Category Archives: Radiation Therapy Journal

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Radiation Therapy Journal – Day 11 – Monday November 12, 2012

Treatment Notes:

– not much to report – kinda in-zap-warm-out

Dr. Visit:

– She’s very encouraging, says we’re two weeks down, we’ll get through this.  She’s a good listener, says the red bumps in my axilla are likely foliculitis (inflammation of the hair follicles), another not-unexpected-side-effect of the radiation (except to me since this is the first I’ve heard of it, of course).  We have a good visit, my skin is holding up okay,and we’ll keep on keeping on for now…and then as I’m leaving (‘cuz I hafta get up to the 2nd floor for PTher) I see her making her visit notes “Pt is doing fair . . .”  So I decided tomorrow I’m gonna get all my progress notes and see what my docs Really think.  I’m actually okay with her taking an encouraging stance while maybe being more strictly realistic in the notes – I feel heard, and I feel like my side effects are being adequately managed so far.

Chaplain Visit:

– I’m sitting with Mom waiting for the treatment to start (she comes on Mondays to make sure I don’t miss something in my doctor visits that I need to hear), and the Chaplain over to meet me.  I, politely, tell him that I can’t see him today because I have my weekly doctor visit today and have to be upstairs for PTher by 8:30am.  Maybe tomorrow?  He hands me his card, and says maybe when I’m at home we can talk by phone.  Facepalm!  I’m tired of having this conversation, you know, the one where I tell him I work full-time?  Yeah, I managed to do that politely, then walked away to have my treatment.  So we’ll see if I see him tomorrow.

Side Effects:

– well, let’s start with fatigue.  Of course, I didn’t feel rested waking up this morning, and I’ve had RTher, a doctor’s visit And PTher Before getting to work at 9:30am.  So basically it felt like I had a full day before starting my workday.  Good times.

– the pain is changing, it’s not so focused anymore near the hematoma or the nipple, and less sharp – it’s more achy, tenderness and is occurring less frequently (making me think of ice packs in my bra less) and more like when I mistakenly tried to carry a heavy bag of groceries high up and close to my body (to make life easier on my back) and ended smashing Lefty – yeah that wasn’t so much fun.

– still lightheadedness/is it nausea or not, I can’t tell – at unpredictable, non-patterned times.

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Radiation Therapy Journal – Day 10 – Friday November 9, 2012

Treatment Notes:

– some warmth during the up-from-under portion of today’s program, otherwise not much, kinda in-zap-out

– one of my guys loves Friday like I do – another one of my guys was looking forward to seeing my Mom on Monday

– waiting for my guys to test the machine this morning I met another patient in the girls waiting area (they’re segregated by gender – for patient privacy – which is a pretty good thing – lots of people are more modest and more freaked out about that stuff than me, and that’s fine too), “Dana” and we had a nice chat while waiting for our respective machines (I think she’s either the 8:00am or 8:15am slot on one of the other two machines in the place).

Side Effects:

– lightheadedness/dizziness, fatigue, nausea: at the end of my morning walk around my work block, just as I was getting back around to my building I got all three kinda at once.  I had started to become worried that this journal was gonna get boring, but this cancer thing really is an hour-by-hour, day-by-day thing.  Kinda like the weather in Hawaii – wait 5 minutes and it’ll change.

– yeah, so 11:00am, nearly on the dot, as I’m coming back from taking my morning walk around the block I ran out of gas.  I guess I’m pretty done for the week.

– I know these twice a day short walks are good for me, on a number of levels, but today, they both seemed to just make me more tired than I was before.  The afternoon one seems to be “hitting the wall #2” today alone.

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Radiation Therapy Journal – Day 9 – Thursday November 8, 2012

Treatment Notes:

– some warmth during the up-from-under portion of today’s program, otherwise not much, kinda in-zap-out

Side Effects:

– lightheadedness/dizziness again: after doing my schmear the boob with all the healing stuff & apply deodorant, as I’m walking from the center to my car – tried some deep breathing for more oxygen, didn’t seem to help.  Made it to the car okay and no concerns about driving, but weird…actually Did look this up on the ‘net yesterday and it seems not that uncommon – another thing nobody mentioned ahead of time, fun.

– Yeah, the lightheaded thing happened again today, on one of my work break walks around the block.

– a little more pain today, but not bad.

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Radiation Therapy Journal – Day 8 – Wednesday November 7, 2012

Treatment Notes:

– I was late Again this morning, but Not as late as they were (Please see “Schedule: Week of November 5-9, 2012.”)

– Otherwise, nothing really except being chilly this morning when I peeled down to skin (makes it sound sexy, doesn’t it?) for the deal so my female “guy” considerately offered, then got me a heated blankie (well, for from the navel down at least, but it did help and it was very nice of her to offer so quickly after I mentioned it was chilly!)

Social Worker Visit:

– I had planned to find her after my treatment.  Apparently, the waiting room receptionist let her know I was here and she found me in the interior waiting room while my linear accelerator was misbehaving this morning.  So we chatted.  She was very nice – basically just wanted to make sure I knew whatever assistance resources I needed (transportation & some other stuff I likewise don’t need – at least not today) were available to me if I Did need them.  Just a basic meet-n-greet, so if I needed her and/or the services she could hook me up with, we’d already know each other.  Very nice.

– While I was sitting there with the social worker (since I don’t gown up every day, so I was in my street clothes), someone who clearly works there saw me Not gowned and asked if I was a patient.  As I was in the middle of a sentence in conversation with the social worker, I answered ‘yes’ without thinking and went back to my conversation without missing a beat, as they say.  Afterwards though, I thought about it.  My first thought being “I know why you’re asking and I Hope you Don’t go there with Me!”  (Please see “Schedule: Week of October 29-November 2, 2012.”)

Side Effects:

– lightheadedness/dizziness again, twice: once walking out of the Disney Family Cancer Center to my car right after RTher this morning, and again this afternoon just by getting up from my desk and walking down the hallway.  Okay, so not a side effect of anti-nausea meds ‘cuz I didn’t take any this morning (supposed to be taken 30 min before radiation which is smack in the middle of my drive To radiation – yes, that means I drive an Hour to RTher Each Morning) as I was too busy just trying to get there on time.  I’m still left with is it a blood sugar thing, or now maybe just another side effect of radiation therapy nobody bothered to tell me about?

[In case you’re thinking, as I repeatedly speculate about causes of things and what’s happening in my body/life as I go through this, that I should instead just look it up or ask someone – try walking my walk and Then you can decide I’m being lazy, or using my disease as an excuse for how much I’m Not getting done in my life right now.  Hm, that previous sentence right there just may be called projecting by some, and I’m not sure they’d be wrong.  Ok, time to be kind to myself, and get back on track with this post.]

– more energy and less pain (at least until 3:30pmish) again today.  I’m going to go ahead and credit the acupuncture and hope to hell it lasts until my next treatment.  I’m well aware of the fact that my feeling better about the things I asked her to work on could very well simply be the placebo effect . . . but even if it is, does that really matter?  🙂

– and we have a new one today, or at least it got noticed today – Lefty’s areola is huge!  Okay, I’ve never had big ones.  I used to say they just never grew up and when they were the same size I was mostly okay with that.  This remained mostly the same it seems to me pretty much up through the beginning of RTher.  And then this morning the left one is twice the size of the right one!  Fabulous.  I hope this change is not permanent, though I have been warned that some of the skin changes during RTher may indeed be permanent.  Um self-pity warning – I’ve gone through a lot Already to try to come out symmetrical on the other end of this bullcrap – if this is permanent, it’s gonna suck!

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Radiation Therapy Journal – Day 7 – Tuesday November 6, 2012

Treatment Notes:

– it’s films day!  Every week or so, they take new films to make sure they’re treating the correct area according to the plan – you know, killing the tissue they mean to be killing.  🙂  So today was a couple minutes longer than usual, and I got to meet someone new (a she, but for ease of language, she’ll just be “one of my guys” going forward) who I guess is interning for a year or so at this facility.

– got the last of my parking validation tickets – thank the Goddess for small favors, right? – Okay, that’s just bitterness, pure and simple.  Yes, it is nice of them to provide parking validation for my radiation treatments, they don’t have to do that. <sigh>  Better?

Social Worker Visit:

– I was told after my treatment that the social worker was looking for me.  So I did my post-treatment ablutions in the restroom off the main lobby waiting room and when I was done, she was there waiting for me.  Thankfully, she asked me if I had a few minutes to talk instead of just launching into whatever she wants to talk to me about.  Unfortunately, after traffic making me late to work, and spending a few extra minutes with one of my guys to receive the balance of my parking validation tickets, signing the paper saying I had received all of them, and waiting ’til he copied the paper that I signed saying I had received them all for me (some call me the “Paper Nazi”), the answer was actually ‘no,’ as I had to get back to work.  She accepted that gracefully (yay!) and said she’d catch up with me tomorrow.  So, tomorrow when I head back to my guys (assuming I get there on time – which is Exactly why I built in time between being there and getting to work – I was On Time to work today!), I’ll let the waiting room receptionist know I have time to see the social worker, so stay tuned for tomorrow’s episode of Radiation Therapy Journal!

Side Effects:

– lightheadedness/dizziness as I’m walking from my car to the elevator in the parking garage at work.  Hm, had a little (and I do mean little – only about 100 calories or so) bite on the way to RTher this morning.  Is it a food thing, or something else.  I also took the anti-nausea meds 30 min before RTher this morning and yesterday (also had lightheadedness yesterday).  Hm, side effect of the meds?  Must look up same online.

– lots of energy today, but it was getting perceived by my mind as anxiety (maybe ‘cuz I was anxious about wanting to get my vote in!).  Why after so many days of fatigue claims am I now having extra energy?  Last night’s acupuncture must have been it.  There is a program of integrative medicine at the Disney Family Cancer Center, including acupuncture, which I’ve been getting on the Mondays of non-support-group weeks (I figure I can do 1 “extra,” as in not-strictly-required-but-still-helpful/recommended thing each week, but not more, so I’m staggering acupuncture and support group).  As Disney participates in many teaching programs with other institutions, including acupuncture, I’ve been getting treatments from students (supervised by someone fully-trained of course) on their 10-week internships.  I really like the student I’m working with now and would love her to stay (being treated by students saves me $15 a treatment), but I’ll just enjoy it while she’s here, and I’m sure the next one will be good too.  So, she worked last night on first, giving me more energy, and second, some pain relief – hence this notation and the next!  🙂

– less pain than before, until about 3:30pm when it started up again, but still less throughout the evening – Yep, the acupuncture again.  Maybe I should ask for this treatment combination again in two weeks.

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Radiation Therapy Journal – Day 6 – Monday November 5, 2012

Treatment Notes:

– a weird cold burning in the lower lateral portion of the breast during the down-from-above portion

– a clean machine today!  🙂

Doctor’s Visit:

– clearly I’m doing some better after a weekend where nobody got in my face about anything (but I Do Not feel rested starting a new workweek) – when we were going over my side effects I’m having and the meds I’m taking to manage them, I told my ROnc I’m aware of and consciously managing my CNS depressants – therefore, taking Benadryl to sleep and Tylenol #3 for pain management (although I’m likely to be upping my use of that some because I’m still getting too frequent and severe breakthrough pain), but I’m saving my Ativan for the next time I want to drop-kick someone’s head.  🙂  There was laughter throughout the room and she thought that was a very good use of that particular medication.

– so it seems my nipple issues are normal, or in the doctor’s words nipple sensitivity is common.  Mm-hm, so my nipple getting hard for no good reason and thereby causing me pain is common, so glad to know that.  Despite my (ongoing) concerns, I must be gooping up enough and with the right stuff ‘cuz the boob is Not Yet lobstered.  Woohoo!

Side Effects:

– more frequent breakthrough pain up to almost a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10

– lightheadedness/shaking: I’m guessing this is from a blood sugar issue since all I could think of when this started was FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, and when I ate a big bowl of cereal with raisins and most of a large banana (then ate the rest of the banana), I started to feel better.  It seems that lumberjack appetite is still here (‘cuz I’m thinking of having a peanut butter sandwich too).

– fatigue: was yawning on my drive from RTher to Work, and at 11:00am I could easily lay down and close my eyes.

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Radiation Therapy Journal – Day 5 – Friday November 2, 2012

Treatment Notes:

– a little warmth during the down-from-above portion

– Um, I’m going to assume it was Betadine, but there was something splashed on the arm of the machine that I could see behind the head of the machine during the down-from-above portion.  I brought it to the attention of one of my guys (RTech) when my treatment was done (it wasn’t anything that was going to touch me, so I didn’t feel the need to stop things in their tracks to have this dealt with, but did want them to know about it before they put another patient on the table), and they were cleaning it up before I’d even covered up enough to leave the room.  🙂

– Oh, and I told Iggy about my conversations last night (See Radiation Therapy Journal – Day 4 – Thursday November 2, 2012).  He thought it was pretty cool that I’d even ask.  And then I reminded him who we were all here for – to which he completely and heartily agreed.

Side Effects:

– freakin’ lumberjack appetite!  It could be because my hormones are waxing (I’ll let you know if this changes when they crest), but A) I haven’t been noticing any other PMS yet, and B) it would make sense as a side effect of radiation (another one I’ve not heard of – hello people, can I get some information here please?) since the object of the treatment is to, well, not to put too fine a point on it, to destroy my cells, and since this does not distinguish between healthy cells and cancer cells, they both ‘get it,’ so to speak.  So my body needing more fuel to try to heal the damage being done and rebuild my tissue makes sense to my fairly-medically-aware-but-not-an-actual-doctor brain (I was formerly licensed as an EMT and provided volunteer first-responder emergency care at local parades & festivals for a few years).

– pain at the incision on my nipple – this one is starting to worry me a bit.  While other things are coming and going with my mood, stress hormones level, girlie hormones level, sleeping or not sleeping, etc. – this one’s staying fairly constant.  This was Still tender when I started this new treatment – tender enough to be wearing a nursing pad in my bra t0 1) reduce chafing/make sure the softest possible surface was touching it, and 2) to fill out the cup to match the size of the other one (yeah, before I started any treatment at all, lefty was bigger and now righty’s already been surgically reduced once) – of course now that I’ve started radiation and lefty is swollen from damage…things are again reversed.  I’ll let you know if it gives way.

– fatigue – I was doing mostly okay and completely bonked at about 3:30pm.  I’ve forced myself to actually keep working, but please Goddess, when is 5:30pm already?

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Radiation Therapy Journal – Day 4 – Thursday November 1, 2012

This is the first time I’m deciding to go to RTher all by myself – you know, like a big girl.

Treatment Notes:

– my RTher asked where my Mom was, why wasn’t she here?  Really?  I finally decide to treat this thing like it’s no big deal in the hope that acting as if will actually make it feel like no big deal (I’m just coming in for some quick RTher and then I’m off to work – no biggie, right?) and he asks me where my Mom is. . .facepalm.  Well, he knows I’m an only child (from talking to my Mom previously), and he also has only one child, so he’s asking from his/her POV.

This actually got me thinking – I went home and promptly asked Mom, Dad and Hubby if they were as involved with my treatment as they want to be, for themselves.  I figured I prolly knew the answer but I asked anyway, separately, each of them.  I’m not sure that I would have changed anything if they had said “no” but thankfully they all answered “Yes.”  So, tomorrow I’ll let Iggy know that I asked, they said yes, and gently (he really is a good guy) remind him that it’s about me first, before it’s about them.

– a little warmth this morning when they did the down-from-above angle

Side Effects:

– late afternoon fatigue – about the time I usually take my walk around the block – 4:00pmish.  I’ll make it through, but tired enough that my eyes are starting to hurt and there is actual yawning.  I’ve been told to expect serious fatigue, at some point before the end of treatment, which could last up to several months after treatment ends (since things are still ‘cooking’ in there – nice, I know).  I’m hoping this isn’t that, but just reaching the end of my usual weekly energy allotment.  Of course my RSurg thinks my body is, in her word, hyper-reactive (and no, for those who are thinking it, she didn’t mean that in the good way – get your mind out of the gutter just for a minute, k?), so who knows?

– intermittent breast pain – some near the hematoma I still have lateral to the nipple and some from the nipple incision, which is now showing almost a pretty cherry red – if I do lose my skin integrity during this, I’m afraid that may be the first spot to go.  Thought about using ice, again, but didn’t – I was too damn tired to deal with it.  Doesn’t make sense, right, and yet it’s true.

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Radiation Therapy Journal – Day 3 – Wednesday October 31, 2012

Slightly less freaked out after Not being poked/fought with for two whole days.  We’ll see what the doc has to say about my stomach issues – took anti-nausea meds on the way to RTher this morning.

When I came in to the suite this morning I asked the waiting room receptionist to let my ROnc know that I wanted to see her this morning after my treatment.

Treatment Notes:

– didn’t really notice any sensation today

Doctor’s Appointment:

– I’m glad to see my, yes admittedly combative, attitude yesterday did not put off my new doc.  I brought up the concern about nausea and stomach pain leading to real permanent damage.  She could have pulled the “I’m a doctor, just trust me, it’ll be fine” crap, but she didn’t.  She said she didn’t do my radiation plan (she didn’t, the asshole did), so she brought it up on the computer, showing me where it was and where my stomach was and that they did Not overlap.  She actually showed me medical evidence for what she was saying, thereby buying actual credibility with me.  Only then did she opine that my stomach problems may be a result of my anxiety.  Hm, okay, I was certainly open to that possibility (I was under no illusions that I was no more than an inch below the ceiling, and had been at least that tightly wound for almost two weeks), so let’s treat that with an anti-anxiety med – script 1.  This will also help me sleep, which will help reduce the anxiety, which will help me sleep, and so on.

– And, by the way , I was Not told that I would be swelling would be this bad, or this early – I mean even before today’s treatment!  I’m talking at least a half cup, maybe a full cup, and all the way around to the side of my body and up into my axilla.  Swelling causes pain that is breaking through the two Aleves I have on board 24 hours a day, so is this normal?  Why haven’t I heard about this happening so much and so soon?  So, no, it’s unusual to happen so soon, but it’s not unheard of.  Great.  Okay, so let’s further help me sleep by seeing if I can Not wake up in pain, so let’s treat that with a pain med – script 2.

Side Effects:

– No nausea or stomach pain today, that’s a step in the right direction

– breast pain: ice pack used three times – twice on the hematoma lateral to the nipple, and once on the nipple itself.  One time it felt so good in there I almost forgot to take it out after 15 minutes.  Time to start using a timer on that deal again.

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Radiation Therapy Journal – Day 2 – Tuesday October 30, 2012

Generally pretty freaked out still.  Meeting my new ROnc for the first time.  We’ll see how it goes.

Treatment Notes:

– slight feeling of warmth when they did the up-from-under angle

Doctor’s Appointment:

– I’ll admit it, I came in swinging my sword, so to speak.  I was not about to give her a chance to be like the first doctor I’d seen in that office.  It wasn’t just me establishing dominance though, I was still honestly anxious about the whole deal and needed her to know that (as if I could hide it, ha).  It was a kind of a crappy way to get to know a new doctor, but it was what it was.  I told her that I could not wait 15 minutes each week after my treatment to see her because I had to be at work in a nearby city by 9:00am – yes, every weekday.  She unfortunately gave me the “I have a lot of patients and I try to see everybody as soon after their therapy as possible.”  Okay, realistically I know there are other people in the world.  Absolutely.  But, unless some of those other patients are going to go work my work day, or pay my bills…what?  They don’t care about me?  They have their own lives and shit to worry about?  Right.  Absolutely.  Me too.  I prefaced my next comment by saying I hoped she understood how I said this, but “I don’t care about your other patients.  I have to manage my life first.”  Told doc about yesterday’s nausea and she gave me a script for anti-nausea meds.

Side Effects:

– so yesterday’s nausea has today turned into today’s actual stomach pain, just like when my GERD is out of control.  So this makes me wonder exactly where they’re radiating that I’m having such stomach problems.  And I’m going to have to see the doc again tomorrow (I was told I could see a doc any day I needed to, but no Less often than once a week during radiation), because a few months of this (side effects, so I’m told, can last from 3 weeks to a couple of months After the end of treatment as your body catches back up to the damage that’s been done to it) is one thing, 40 years of it from permanent damage done is something we need to talk about.  So back to the doc again tomorrow.

– breast pain: wow, it’s been a bunch of weeks since I thought about putting an ice pack in my bra, and I’m back to that – two separate times.