Tag Archives: What to Say

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Schedule: Week of November 5-9, 2012

Monday [Radiation Therapy – Day 6]:

7:10am-8:25am Drive from Home to RTher

[fucking traffic! – being late on Monday morning is a shitty way to start the week]

8:25am-8:35am RTher
8:40am-9:00am Weekly visit with ROnc
9:05am-9:20am Drive from RTher to Work
9:20am-1:00pm Work
1:00pm-2:00pm Lunch
2:00pm-5:30pm Work
5:30pm-5:45pm Drive from Work to Acupuncture
5:55pm-7:00pm Acupuncture
7:00pm-7:45p Drive from Acupuncture to Home

Tuesday [Radiation Therapy – Day 7]:

7:00am-8:20am Drive from Home to RTher

[fucking traffic, again! – because starting my day off stressed for more than an hour is so conducive to being healthy, Not!]

8:25am-8:35am RTher
8:35am-8:45am Post-RTher ablutions

[first aid cream on the nipple scar, scar cream on all 5 surgical scars, super-moisturizing cream on the whole boob – plus massage to minimize tissue damage, deodorant – no antiperspirant for me during radiation (aluminum on the skin interferes with the killing of the cells, dontcha know?), and no creams or goops of any kind for 4 hours before radiation treatment (again, interferes with that killing goal)]

8:45am-9:00am Drive from RTher to Work
9:00am-1:30pm Work
1:30pm-2:30pm Lunch

[Acapulco: Carnitas]

2:30pm-530pm Work
5:30pm-6:35pm Drive from Work to Polling Place

[with 1 stop to get gas]

6:35pm-6:40pm Vote
6:40pm-6:45pm Drive from Polling Place to Home

Wednesday [Radiation Therapy – Day 8]:

7:05am-8:05am Drive from Home to RTher
8:10am-8:30am Wait for RTher/Meet social worker

[it seems the machine wasn’t behaving this morning (it is tested every morning I guess before the first patient – me – is put on it) and it took a few minutes for someone to beat it into submission]

8:30am-8:40am RTher
8:40am-8:45am Post-RTher ablutions
8:45am-9:05am Drive from RTher to Work
9:05am-1:00pm Work
1:00pm-2:00pm Lunch

[Marie Callendars: Chicken w/ artichokes & mushrooms over pasta.

Are you noticing a pattern here?  Yeah, me too.  And I thought I was doing so well Not stopping at Starbucks every morning on my way from RTher to Work.  The good news is that lunch each of the last two days has yielded enough leftovers for two more full lunches, and I do eat leftovers (Hubby doesn’t), so if I can remember to eat that for lunch tomorrow and Friday, I’ll spend no more money on that, waste no food, and I can eat that at my desk if I want so maybe I’ll get my ass out of my work chair and back up walking again.

That’s something else that has changed (and not for the better this week).  I’m starting to fall into the non-smoker’s (72d CFT today!) bad habit of Not getting up for morning and afternoon breaks since my body is no longer sending up a cry for it’s fix every 2 waking hours.  Okay, starting this afternoon, I resume my twice daily walk around my work block).]

2:00pm-5:30pm Work
5:30pm-6:35pm Drive from Work to Home

[Up from 3:00am-4:00am: woken up by animal noises outside my open window – potty, back in bed, nose congested, use polysporin to moisturize/decongest, back in bed, drifting off as more animal noises outside, close window, pick up Kindle – next thing I know I’m hitting snooze, again, on the alarm.]

Thursday [Radiation Therapy – Day 9]:

7:00am-8:10am Drive from Home to RTher

[Big shout out to Hubby (he won’t see this, I don’t think he reads me – he figures he sees me every day, he gets all the info he needs about how this is going directly from me, and the occasional medical event he attends – meeting new doctors, surgeries, first new treatment of any kind – although he is willing to come to Any and Every medical event I Want him to come to) – last night I was complaining about the stress of trying to make it to RTher every day (comparing it to the stress of getting to a former job on time when it was a 2-hour commute – yes, that is Not a typo – One-Way,  in good weather – longer in bad weather), and this morning (as he goes to work before me and heads to just the city before the one where I work in the exact same direction/route as me), he texts me with a traffic & weather report so I know what I’m in for on my way!]

8:10am-8:20am RTher
8:20am-8:25am Gooping up/applying deodorant
8:30am-8:45am Driving from RTher to Work
8:45am-1:00pm Work
1:00pm-2:00pm Lunch

[Trip to Whole Foods: A cousin of mine (no, not the same one as has a birthday this week) posted a smoothie photo that had a blurry bottle of Synergy Kombucha in the background, so we had a little convo about that in the comments for the post, and it reminded me that I love that stuff and hadn’t had any in way too long, so I’m using my fabulous one-hour lunch today to go pick some up (along with the tomatoes and green onions that Hubby did Not pick up at the market the other night when getting “salad stuff” – okay, he’s amazing but not perfect – but then neither am I , so that’s okay.]

2:00pm-5:30pm Work
5:30pm-6:45pm Drive from Work to Home

[It’s only a little rain, people, not That big a deal!]

Friday [Radiation Therapy – Day 10]:

7:00am-8:00am Drive from Home to RTher

[Back to a regular Friday light traffic patter, with time for my weekly (yeah, I know, but that’s my story and I’m sticking to it) Starbucks treat stop – but this time I was involved in conversation with someone and forgot to pick up the new Starbucks/iTunes Freebie cards – sorry work-peeps!]

8:00am-8:10am Waiting for machine calibration – met and chatted with another patient “Dana” until my machine was ready for me
8:10am-8:20am RTher
8:20am-8:25am Post-RTher ablutions
8:30am-8:45am Drive from RTher to Work
8:45am-1:00pm Work
1:00pm-2:30pm Lunch

[I get an extra-long one today ‘cuz after building in ‘life is screwed up’ time into when I scheduled my RTher, I now end up with extra already-worked time on Fridays sometimes, and I know work doesn’t really want me taking off early (tho that’s what I would prefer to do), so I’m just tacking it onto lunch instead.]

2:30pm-5:30pm Work
5:4opm-6:45pm Drive from Work to Home

[Yeah, got caught up in reading my, well, personal email at the end of my workday and ended up staying 10 minutes late!

Additional Tasks Accomplished This Week:

– walked at least 20 minutes um, some days
– blogged
– VOTED!
– wished my cousin Happy Birthday on Facebook
– paid some bills
– cleaned up bedroom, put clothes away
– gave $100 to a fund for the family of a co-worker of Hubby’s who died on the job this week  😦
– remembered to write check for every other week housecleaner And actually leave it at home for her

Copyright Ridingthebcrollercoaster.com 2012 All Rights Reserved.

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Song Lyrics That Speak to Me – Shiver by Jamie O’Neal

Shiver – by Jamie O’Neal

Don’t know how you do it,
Like there’s nothing to it.
You just look my way.
You come a little closer,
I lose my composure.
Don’t know what to say.

I’m overwhelmed,
You smile I melt.
And somewhere inside,
Oh baby I…

Shiver, tremble, I never,
No I never once,
Felt so much.
It shakes me,
How you take me…
Deeper than I’ve ever been,
It’s to the core,
Under my skin,
I shiver…

I love the way your whisper,
Slowly, softly lingers…
In my ears.
You move a little lower,
The world starts spinning slower,
Then I disappear.

Your lips so close,
We kiss almost,
Just barely touch,
But that’s enought to make me…

Shiver, tremble, I never,
No I never once,
Felt so much.
It shakes me,
How you take me…
Deeper than I’ve ever been,
It’s to the core,
Under my skin,
I shiver…

Oh, Shakes me,
How you take me.
Deeper than I’ve ever been,
It’s to the core,
Under my skin,
I shiver, tremble.
I never, no I never once,
Felt so much it shakes me…
How you take me.
Deeper than I’ve ever been,
It’s to the core,
Under my skin, I shiver…

Ooh, shiver.

PaulSir, if you ever make it to this page, this one’s for you, but you already knew that.

[Posted Thursday November 8, 2012]

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Schedule: Week of October 29-November 2, 2012

Monday [Times after 8:30am approximate – I was out of my routine & not keeping strict track] [Radiation Therapy – Day 1]:

7:30am-8:30am Drive from Home to Disney Family Cancer Center to straighten this out before my appointment at 11:30am [Meet Hubby and Mom to back me up/help me out]
8:30am-9:00am Find the CEO of St. Joseph’s Hospital – Request meeting with same – Get escorted to his office

9:00am-9:10am Throw Dr. Rex Hoffman under the bus with the CEO of the hospital at which he works
9:15am-10:15am Eat breffast w/ Mom & Hubby in the hospital cafeteria – nearly free with coupons from the hospital CEO [wasn’t that nice of him?]
10:30am-11:15am Visit with Nurse Navigator [to make sure I was still welcome in her office, since I bcc’d her on the email in this post – and I was  🙂 – nice chance to catch up] [As I’m walking across the way to the other building I see Dad driving up to join my backup posse]
11:15am-11:45am Wait for my 11:30am first radiation therapy appointment to begin [Dr. Hoffman being the only ROnc in the office today, my care will be changed to another doctor tomorrow]
11:45am-12:30pm First Radiation Therapy appt [w/ Mom, Dad and Hubby as backup]
12:30pm-2:30pm Drive Hubby to his truck [parked and left at a local Starbucks this am to save 1 parking fee at doctor’s appointment] – went w/ Hubby in his truck to a vape store so he could test some flavors [leaving my car in the very same Starbucks parking lot ‘cuz it had already been a tough day and I just wanted to be with him for now] – going back to pick up my car
2:30pm-3:30pm Drive from Starbucks to Home [with 1 stop at a local deli for chicken noodle soup w/ a dry matzo ball on the side – my soul needed it]

Awake in the middle of the night from about 2:15am-4:00am.

Tuesday [Radiation Therapy – Day 2]:

7:00am-8:00am Drive from Home to ROnc
8:00am-8:15am RTher [with Mom in tow since I was seeing the new doc this morning – I try Always to have an extra pair of ears around during doctor’s visits – countless times already someone else has heard something I did not because I get stuck on something and check out of the conversation for some period of time]
8:15am-8:35am Wait for appointment with new ROnc
8:35am-8:55am Appointment with new ROnc
9:00am-9:15am Drive from ROnc to Work
9:15am-1:00pm Work
1:00pm-2:00pm Lunch [a whole hour!  two weeks in a row!  got a couple errands done.  :)]
2:00pm-5:30pm Work
5:30pm-6:50pm Drive from Work to Home [with 1 stop to pick up last minute stuff for work pot luck lunch tomorrow and to have a bowl of candy for kids trick-or-treating in the office, and 1 stop to pick up more meds]

Wednesday [Radiation Therapy – Day 3]:

7:00am-8:05am Drive from Home to RTher
8:05am-8:15am RTher
8:15am-8:35am Waiting to see ROnc [to discuss noticeable side effects Nobody led me to expect I’d have so soon – after Two treatments?!]
8:35am-8:55am ROnc appointment
9:00am-9:15am Drive from ROnc to Work
9:15am-12:30pm Work
12:30pm-2:00pm Halloween Pot Luck Lunch @ Work [& visiting with my work friend’s 18-month-old granddaughter dressed as the cutest pirate ever!]
2:00pm-5:30pm Work
5:30pm-7:00pm Drive from Work to Home [With 3 stops on the way: (1) put gas in the car; (2) Costco – this is a kamikaze run to grab a sweater I’d already bought 2 of (in different colors) in yet a Third color! – Hm, parking lot very empty, what’s up with that?  Oh, right, Halloween – score on the empty Costco!; and (3) the pharmacy Again to pick up the Rx I dropped off last night, and drop off 2 more I got this morning to help deal with side effects of RTher.]

Woke up enough to look at the clock at 3:25am, but managed to get back to sleep without peeing, eating, reading, turning on a light, or even getting out of bed (I think)

Thursday [Radiation Therapy – Day 4]:

7:00am-7:55am Drive from Home to RTher [I actually decided to go all by myself this morning, just like a big girl – and one of my RThers asks where my Mom is and gives me grief about not bringing her with me, for her sake!  (This comes from his understandable perspective of a father with an only child.  Tomorrow I’ll gently remind him that the person at the center of our joint drama isn’t my Mom, it’s me.)  But I did tell him he’d get to see my Mom on Mondays, since Mom will join me on doctor appointment days.]
7:55am-8:05am RTher
8:05am-8:15am Did the PTher I have to do myself to deal with my side effects, and hyper-moisturize the area we’re charring each weekday to hopefully help prevent, well, peeling, weeping, and sloughing of the skin.  🙂
8:20am-8:35am Drive from RTher to Work
8:35am-1:00pm Work
1:00pm-2:00pm Lunch

So, with the start of RTher, apparently comes a new lunch schedule.  Whereas before, I was taking short lunches to make up time taken by randomly-occurring doctor’s appointments, I deliberately made the RTher appointments early enough so that most days (even if slightly delayed by traffic or some other time issue), they would Not interfere with work (I didn’t schedule them so they wouldn’t interfere with work only if timing were perfect every day – this is traffic in greater Southern California I’m dealing with after all).  But that means that most (non-ROnc/non-PTher days) I’ll get to work Early.  Therefore, most days I’ll not only get the hour lunch that used to be my norm, but even after counting the ROnc and/or PTher days when I’ll still be in late, I may even get extra-long lunches on Fridays from getting to work early and storing up some extra work time other days of the week!  We’ll have to see how that works out – or am I just being overly-optimistic now?

2:00pm-5:30pm Work
5:30pm-6:30pm Drive from Work to Home

Friday [Radiation Therapy – Day 5]:

7:10am-8:05am Drive from Home to RTher [With 1 stop @ Starbucks for the weekly coffee treat – yeah, it’s not my only one this week either, I know]
8:10am-8:20am Rather
8:25-8:40 Drive from RTher to Work
9:45am-1:00pm Work
1:00pm-2:00pm Lunch
2:00pm-5:30pm Work
5:30pm-6:30pm Drive from Work to Home

Additional Tasks Accomplished This Week:

– walked at least 20 minutes each day (um, except Monday)
– blogged
– managed to carve out a whole hour for lunch at least one day
– threw my doctor under the bus and replaced him with a new her doctor
– used my hasn’t-happened-in-several-months one-hour lunch to practice some minor retail therapy
– rearranged physical therapy appointments to conform with my new doctor’s schedule, shared same with Hubby, Mom, Dad and work
– actually participated in a Holiday Party – the Halloween Pot Luck Lunch at work

Copyright Ridingthebcrollercoaster.com 2012 All Rights Reserved.

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Radiation Therapy Journal – Day 4 – Thursday November 1, 2012

This is the first time I’m deciding to go to RTher all by myself – you know, like a big girl.

Treatment Notes:

– my RTher asked where my Mom was, why wasn’t she here?  Really?  I finally decide to treat this thing like it’s no big deal in the hope that acting as if will actually make it feel like no big deal (I’m just coming in for some quick RTher and then I’m off to work – no biggie, right?) and he asks me where my Mom is. . .facepalm.  Well, he knows I’m an only child (from talking to my Mom previously), and he also has only one child, so he’s asking from his/her POV.

This actually got me thinking – I went home and promptly asked Mom, Dad and Hubby if they were as involved with my treatment as they want to be, for themselves.  I figured I prolly knew the answer but I asked anyway, separately, each of them.  I’m not sure that I would have changed anything if they had said “no” but thankfully they all answered “Yes.”  So, tomorrow I’ll let Iggy know that I asked, they said yes, and gently (he really is a good guy) remind him that it’s about me first, before it’s about them.

– a little warmth this morning when they did the down-from-above angle

Side Effects:

– late afternoon fatigue – about the time I usually take my walk around the block – 4:00pmish.  I’ll make it through, but tired enough that my eyes are starting to hurt and there is actual yawning.  I’ve been told to expect serious fatigue, at some point before the end of treatment, which could last up to several months after treatment ends (since things are still ‘cooking’ in there – nice, I know).  I’m hoping this isn’t that, but just reaching the end of my usual weekly energy allotment.  Of course my RSurg thinks my body is, in her word, hyper-reactive (and no, for those who are thinking it, she didn’t mean that in the good way – get your mind out of the gutter just for a minute, k?), so who knows?

– intermittent breast pain – some near the hematoma I still have lateral to the nipple and some from the nipple incision, which is now showing almost a pretty cherry red – if I do lose my skin integrity during this, I’m afraid that may be the first spot to go.  Thought about using ice, again, but didn’t – I was too damn tired to deal with it.  Doesn’t make sense, right, and yet it’s true.

Copyright Ridingthebcrollercoaster.com 2012 All Rights Reserved.

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I’m lucky enough to have found a man who was taught and lives this.

I’m reblogging for those women who have not yet found the man who will love them like this, and for those women who have never had a man like this in their lives, so they don’t know what to look for in their mate – use this as at least one of your decision points about who to give your time, energy and attention to – about who to keep or not keep in your life.

I wish for every woman to find a mate (of whatever gender works for her) who will love her like this – as is mentioned in the post, Not because she can’t take care of herself, but because we all deserve to be loved like this.

Copyright Ridingthebcrollercoaster.com 2012 All rights Reserved.

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Daily Prompt – “When was the last time you felt really, truly lonely?”

Okay, I’ll ‘fess up right away – some might think this is cheating.

And I will apologize and ask forgiveness (as I’m very new to this blogging thing and don’t yet know all the ‘rules’) if I am Completely breaking a Cardinal Rule in the name of recycling for the sake of sharing with more people.

The answer to this challenge can be found in my recent post “Dr. Rex Hoffman – Office Visit – October 22, 2012.”

I’m (re-)posting because, although I would not have described the word “lonely” when characterizing my feelings from this experience – that occurrence flashed visually through my mind the minute I read today’s Daily Prompt.  Funny how one thing doesn’t always lead to another, but the second can lead directly back to the first, eh?

Copyright Ridingthebcrollercoaster.com 2012 All rights Reserved.

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Daily Prompt – “National Bathrobe Day”

National Bathrobe Day is a Holiday that pops up in my life on an irregular basis.

It has actually existed for a long time, long before I got the above name from an ex-boyfriend.

The best celebrations of National Bathrobe Day take some preparation…

– a market run is made to ensure all possibly desired foods/libations are at hand in the house

– it used to be a run to the video store (yes, that’s how old – and beyond – this holiday is) had to be done to rent videos for falling asleep to and other forms of time wasting

– one’s coziest pajama’s or other night/loungewear has to be freshly cleaned

. . . because here are the rules:

1.  There is no answering the phone.

2. There is no answering the door.

3. There is no leaving the house.

4. One must relax, whatever that means to the practitioner, for a whole day.

5. If one has made an error of epic proportions and forgotten some essential item for proper celebration (which item and its essentialness is Completely determined by the practitioner, in her sole discretion) – one May slink out the door to acquire said item, But one May Not actually wear outside clothes to do so (sweats/loungewear and slippers permitted Only – no jeans, real shoes, female upper undergarments, etc.).  Hence the pre-planning.

Why do I think we need National Bathrobe Day?

Because sometimes we all need to give ourselves permission to deliberately, consciously, (temporarily) crawl into a cave of our own devising . . .

. . . to stop the constant doing . . .

. . . to allow for some deep breaths . . .

. . . to give ourselves a chance to get bored once in a while . . .

. . . to allow ourselves a space where we answer to Nobody but ourselves for just a little while . . .

. . . to occasionally take a fucking nap . . .

. . . to allow ourselves just to Be, without a purpose or goal . . .

. . . just because.

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I Don’t Always Have to Say It Myself

Observations from the Kitchen Sink of Life posted on the value and catharsis of storytelling.  I’ve tried to explain this to people, but this post did it so beautifully – explaining for me why I’m here, on WordPress, and at large on the internet.

My favorite parts:

. . . Then there are events that grab you by the shoulders and shake you violently, or even pull the ground away from beneath your feet. The landscape changes rapidly and dramatically, as if by an earthquake. The flow changes course so rapidly and so fundamentally, that it transforms you all the way down to the fiber of your being. When you regain consciousness, when you reconnect with the Earth beneath your feet, you see a vastly different landscape. Familiar in some ways, but different nonetheless. You just buried a parent or close friend, you just heard a devastating diagnosis or somebody you trusted shattered that sacred bond. . . .

Some events shake harder than others.

. . . Some friends, people who have always loved you for your essence, will be able to keep walking with you in your changed landscape. Other friends will evaporate and become echoes, pictures in that scrap book. . . .

I’ve heard this about a cancer diagnosis, and although I’m deliberately holding off on making permanent decisions until at least after the ‘magic year’ is over, I can already see this in play in my life.

. . . Story telling is a powerful way of processing experiences, of transforming karma. . . .

. . . We tell our stories to process, to celebrate, to educate, to discover, to reach out. Because we choose to, because we have to. . .

Yes, that’s why I’m here, on WordPress, because I have to tell my story to survive it.

And the ending paragraph:

. . . Telling your story is a way of saying “this is who I am”, “this is the journey I traveled, this is how I got here”. Naming that journey and the most significant events on that journey opens up space, liberates and is an essential part of processing those events. The most beautiful and powerful gift somebody could give you for telling your story is saying “I see you” (in one of many ways you can say this). But even if you don’t get any feedback, just the mere act of telling your story is  healing.

All of it, but particularly the last line, yes, please, yes.

Read the rest of this great post at The Importance of Telling Your Story.

Copyright Ridingthebcrollercoaster.com 2012 All rights Reserved.

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Dr. Rex Hoffman – Office Visit – October 22, 2012

First things first, I have No qualms at all about the level and quality of medical care Dr. Rex Hoffman of the Disney Family Cancer Center at Providence St. Joseph’s Hospital in Burbank, California provides.

But medical care and patient care are not the same thing.

Also, this is my own personal opinion of my own personal experience including quotations from conversations I, myself, participated in (which, in accordance with California law – were Not recorded, so my quotations are recollections to the best of my ability).

I absolutely allow for the fact that other people may have other experiences with this doctor, and in fact, fervently hope they do!

And now on to my visit with Dr. Rex Hoffman at 8:00am this past Monday October 22, 2012, which has so far (midday Thursday as I begin this blog post and finished it Friday midday) colored my Entire week, as told through my email to the Medical Director for Cancer Services of the same medical facility:

Dr. Mena Attachment A:

“What Part of ‘I Work For a Living – Because I Have To’ is Unclear?“

Dr. Mena Attachment B:

Dr. Mena Attachment C:

So, after finally finishing writing, and sending, the email to Dr. Mena – I felt better.

It wasn’t just the writing, but the actual sending, that let me release at least some of what I had been holding on to all week.

We’ll see what this weekend feels like and what I decide to do on Monday – show up for treatment (of course it just so happens that Dr. Hoffman will be at a national conference in Boston when I begin my treatment on Monday – and I would not have known this if I hadn’t made a stink this week – but it’s a bit tough to be there to enforce the policy when he’s 3000 miles away – hehehe), or punt and start from scratch to find somewhere else to have the treatment.  I’ll let you know next week.