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Radiation Therapy Journal – Day 6 – Monday November 5, 2012

Treatment Notes:

– a weird cold burning in the lower lateral portion of the breast during the down-from-above portion

– a clean machine today!  🙂

Doctor’s Visit:

– clearly I’m doing some better after a weekend where nobody got in my face about anything (but I Do Not feel rested starting a new workweek) – when we were going over my side effects I’m having and the meds I’m taking to manage them, I told my ROnc I’m aware of and consciously managing my CNS depressants – therefore, taking Benadryl to sleep and Tylenol #3 for pain management (although I’m likely to be upping my use of that some because I’m still getting too frequent and severe breakthrough pain), but I’m saving my Ativan for the next time I want to drop-kick someone’s head.  🙂  There was laughter throughout the room and she thought that was a very good use of that particular medication.

– so it seems my nipple issues are normal, or in the doctor’s words nipple sensitivity is common.  Mm-hm, so my nipple getting hard for no good reason and thereby causing me pain is common, so glad to know that.  Despite my (ongoing) concerns, I must be gooping up enough and with the right stuff ‘cuz the boob is Not Yet lobstered.  Woohoo!

Side Effects:

– more frequent breakthrough pain up to almost a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10

– lightheadedness/shaking: I’m guessing this is from a blood sugar issue since all I could think of when this started was FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, and when I ate a big bowl of cereal with raisins and most of a large banana (then ate the rest of the banana), I started to feel better.  It seems that lumberjack appetite is still here (‘cuz I’m thinking of having a peanut butter sandwich too).

– fatigue: was yawning on my drive from RTher to Work, and at 11:00am I could easily lay down and close my eyes.

Copyright Ridingthebcrollercoaster.com 2012 All Rights Reserved.

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SNL (1975-1980, 1985-Present): November 3-4, 2012

Who gets the reference?

Saturday:

– coffee
– reading in bed
– pedicure/nail fill @ the Nail Forum – Porter Ranch
– underarm waxing – wasn’t sure it was a good idea, but decided to go for it because I did not want to shave (I figured more risk of doing damage shaving than by an experienced aesthetician doing a quick wax – which would also last nearly the duration of my RTher).
– reading in bed
– quickie dinner @ home with Hubby

Sunday:

– coffee
– vaping with Hubby
– napping
– brunch

Otherwise known as “something to have Apple Blossom Honey on.”  I woke up this morning wanting some of the apple blossom honey we picked up in Oak Glen last weekend.  I woke up from my nap to find Hubby in his room . . .

[Yes, we do not share a bedroom.  We haven’t for oh, 15 years or so?  It’s partly because he snores, and partly due to changing and incompatible work schedules over the years.  Don’t worry, when we wanna play, we have a whole house to do it in, plus two beds we’re not afraid to mess up ‘cuz they both get slept in every night.  🙂  And, Hubby having his own room serves us in another way than just letting us both sleep – it lets him deal with my need for a tidy, sparely decorated house – by giving him a place Not to have to keep things cleaned up to my standards,]

So, anyway , earlier this morning while we were downstairs hanging out I was trying to find something to have honey on for breffast, asking if he felt like eating (and well, making) pancakes – did we have a pour-liquid-and-shake Biscuit jug (I didn’t want either of us to spend half the day cooking)?  But that didn’t work out, and I Finally felt like if I lay down I could Actually Nap!  So I did that, and woke up to find Hubby having cereal and  went to find myself a carrier for the honey I wanted.  Turns out (after eating a breakfast of actual food with protein and stuff) the carrier of the day was a buttered waffle, previously frozen and now toasted golden brown and warm.  🙂  Then I wrote this post, and now I think I’ll go have the other waffle left in the bag in the box in the freezer, toasted with butter and Apple Blossom Honey, of course. . .

– blogging
– breffast #2 = waffle #2
– more blogging
– eating yummy dinner (pork roast, broccoli, potatoes) cooked by Hubby
– watching tv off the DVR with Hubby (Castle, Once Upon a Time)

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Radiation Therapy Journal – Day 5 – Friday November 2, 2012

Treatment Notes:

– a little warmth during the down-from-above portion

– Um, I’m going to assume it was Betadine, but there was something splashed on the arm of the machine that I could see behind the head of the machine during the down-from-above portion.  I brought it to the attention of one of my guys (RTech) when my treatment was done (it wasn’t anything that was going to touch me, so I didn’t feel the need to stop things in their tracks to have this dealt with, but did want them to know about it before they put another patient on the table), and they were cleaning it up before I’d even covered up enough to leave the room.  🙂

– Oh, and I told Iggy about my conversations last night (See Radiation Therapy Journal – Day 4 – Thursday November 2, 2012).  He thought it was pretty cool that I’d even ask.  And then I reminded him who we were all here for – to which he completely and heartily agreed.

Side Effects:

– freakin’ lumberjack appetite!  It could be because my hormones are waxing (I’ll let you know if this changes when they crest), but A) I haven’t been noticing any other PMS yet, and B) it would make sense as a side effect of radiation (another one I’ve not heard of – hello people, can I get some information here please?) since the object of the treatment is to, well, not to put too fine a point on it, to destroy my cells, and since this does not distinguish between healthy cells and cancer cells, they both ‘get it,’ so to speak.  So my body needing more fuel to try to heal the damage being done and rebuild my tissue makes sense to my fairly-medically-aware-but-not-an-actual-doctor brain (I was formerly licensed as an EMT and provided volunteer first-responder emergency care at local parades & festivals for a few years).

– pain at the incision on my nipple – this one is starting to worry me a bit.  While other things are coming and going with my mood, stress hormones level, girlie hormones level, sleeping or not sleeping, etc. – this one’s staying fairly constant.  This was Still tender when I started this new treatment – tender enough to be wearing a nursing pad in my bra t0 1) reduce chafing/make sure the softest possible surface was touching it, and 2) to fill out the cup to match the size of the other one (yeah, before I started any treatment at all, lefty was bigger and now righty’s already been surgically reduced once) – of course now that I’ve started radiation and lefty is swollen from damage…things are again reversed.  I’ll let you know if it gives way.

– fatigue – I was doing mostly okay and completely bonked at about 3:30pm.  I’ve forced myself to actually keep working, but please Goddess, when is 5:30pm already?

Copyright Ridingthebcrollercoaster.com 2012 All Rights Reserved.

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Radiation Therapy Journal – Day 3 – Wednesday October 31, 2012

Slightly less freaked out after Not being poked/fought with for two whole days.  We’ll see what the doc has to say about my stomach issues – took anti-nausea meds on the way to RTher this morning.

When I came in to the suite this morning I asked the waiting room receptionist to let my ROnc know that I wanted to see her this morning after my treatment.

Treatment Notes:

– didn’t really notice any sensation today

Doctor’s Appointment:

– I’m glad to see my, yes admittedly combative, attitude yesterday did not put off my new doc.  I brought up the concern about nausea and stomach pain leading to real permanent damage.  She could have pulled the “I’m a doctor, just trust me, it’ll be fine” crap, but she didn’t.  She said she didn’t do my radiation plan (she didn’t, the asshole did), so she brought it up on the computer, showing me where it was and where my stomach was and that they did Not overlap.  She actually showed me medical evidence for what she was saying, thereby buying actual credibility with me.  Only then did she opine that my stomach problems may be a result of my anxiety.  Hm, okay, I was certainly open to that possibility (I was under no illusions that I was no more than an inch below the ceiling, and had been at least that tightly wound for almost two weeks), so let’s treat that with an anti-anxiety med – script 1.  This will also help me sleep, which will help reduce the anxiety, which will help me sleep, and so on.

– And, by the way , I was Not told that I would be swelling would be this bad, or this early – I mean even before today’s treatment!  I’m talking at least a half cup, maybe a full cup, and all the way around to the side of my body and up into my axilla.  Swelling causes pain that is breaking through the two Aleves I have on board 24 hours a day, so is this normal?  Why haven’t I heard about this happening so much and so soon?  So, no, it’s unusual to happen so soon, but it’s not unheard of.  Great.  Okay, so let’s further help me sleep by seeing if I can Not wake up in pain, so let’s treat that with a pain med – script 2.

Side Effects:

– No nausea or stomach pain today, that’s a step in the right direction

– breast pain: ice pack used three times – twice on the hematoma lateral to the nipple, and once on the nipple itself.  One time it felt so good in there I almost forgot to take it out after 15 minutes.  Time to start using a timer on that deal again.

Copyright Ridingthebcrollercoaster.com 2012 All Rights Reserved.

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Radiation Therapy Journal – Day 2 – Tuesday October 30, 2012

Generally pretty freaked out still.  Meeting my new ROnc for the first time.  We’ll see how it goes.

Treatment Notes:

– slight feeling of warmth when they did the up-from-under angle

Doctor’s Appointment:

– I’ll admit it, I came in swinging my sword, so to speak.  I was not about to give her a chance to be like the first doctor I’d seen in that office.  It wasn’t just me establishing dominance though, I was still honestly anxious about the whole deal and needed her to know that (as if I could hide it, ha).  It was a kind of a crappy way to get to know a new doctor, but it was what it was.  I told her that I could not wait 15 minutes each week after my treatment to see her because I had to be at work in a nearby city by 9:00am – yes, every weekday.  She unfortunately gave me the “I have a lot of patients and I try to see everybody as soon after their therapy as possible.”  Okay, realistically I know there are other people in the world.  Absolutely.  But, unless some of those other patients are going to go work my work day, or pay my bills…what?  They don’t care about me?  They have their own lives and shit to worry about?  Right.  Absolutely.  Me too.  I prefaced my next comment by saying I hoped she understood how I said this, but “I don’t care about your other patients.  I have to manage my life first.”  Told doc about yesterday’s nausea and she gave me a script for anti-nausea meds.

Side Effects:

– so yesterday’s nausea has today turned into today’s actual stomach pain, just like when my GERD is out of control.  So this makes me wonder exactly where they’re radiating that I’m having such stomach problems.  And I’m going to have to see the doc again tomorrow (I was told I could see a doc any day I needed to, but no Less often than once a week during radiation), because a few months of this (side effects, so I’m told, can last from 3 weeks to a couple of months After the end of treatment as your body catches back up to the damage that’s been done to it) is one thing, 40 years of it from permanent damage done is something we need to talk about.  So back to the doc again tomorrow.

– breast pain: wow, it’s been a bunch of weeks since I thought about putting an ice pack in my bra, and I’m back to that – two separate times.

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Radiation Therapy Journal – Day 1 – Monday October 29, 2012

Treatment Notes:

– slight feeling of warmth when they did the up-from-under angle

Side Effects:

– nausea after treatment – Really?  I hadn’t heard much about nausea as a side effect of radiation therapy, and certainly not after One treatment – this is gonna be fun!

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Daily Prompt – “When was the last time you felt really, truly lonely?”

Okay, I’ll ‘fess up right away – some might think this is cheating.

And I will apologize and ask forgiveness (as I’m very new to this blogging thing and don’t yet know all the ‘rules’) if I am Completely breaking a Cardinal Rule in the name of recycling for the sake of sharing with more people.

The answer to this challenge can be found in my recent post “Dr. Rex Hoffman – Office Visit – October 22, 2012.”

I’m (re-)posting because, although I would not have described the word “lonely” when characterizing my feelings from this experience – that occurrence flashed visually through my mind the minute I read today’s Daily Prompt.  Funny how one thing doesn’t always lead to another, but the second can lead directly back to the first, eh?

Copyright Ridingthebcrollercoaster.com 2012 All rights Reserved.

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Daily Prompt – “National Bathrobe Day”

National Bathrobe Day is a Holiday that pops up in my life on an irregular basis.

It has actually existed for a long time, long before I got the above name from an ex-boyfriend.

The best celebrations of National Bathrobe Day take some preparation…

– a market run is made to ensure all possibly desired foods/libations are at hand in the house

– it used to be a run to the video store (yes, that’s how old – and beyond – this holiday is) had to be done to rent videos for falling asleep to and other forms of time wasting

– one’s coziest pajama’s or other night/loungewear has to be freshly cleaned

. . . because here are the rules:

1.  There is no answering the phone.

2. There is no answering the door.

3. There is no leaving the house.

4. One must relax, whatever that means to the practitioner, for a whole day.

5. If one has made an error of epic proportions and forgotten some essential item for proper celebration (which item and its essentialness is Completely determined by the practitioner, in her sole discretion) – one May slink out the door to acquire said item, But one May Not actually wear outside clothes to do so (sweats/loungewear and slippers permitted Only – no jeans, real shoes, female upper undergarments, etc.).  Hence the pre-planning.

Why do I think we need National Bathrobe Day?

Because sometimes we all need to give ourselves permission to deliberately, consciously, (temporarily) crawl into a cave of our own devising . . .

. . . to stop the constant doing . . .

. . . to allow for some deep breaths . . .

. . . to give ourselves a chance to get bored once in a while . . .

. . . to allow ourselves a space where we answer to Nobody but ourselves for just a little while . . .

. . . to occasionally take a fucking nap . . .

. . . to allow ourselves just to Be, without a purpose or goal . . .

. . . just because.

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SNL (1975-1980, 1985-Present): October 27-28, 2012

Who gets the reference?

This has been a rough one – again.

[Friday Night:

– took phone call from Dr. Rex Hoffman while standing in Costco, thereby ruining the upcoming weekend, which had looked promising after the catharsis of sending the email Thursday night, and was now a total loss
– emailed MOnc requesting a phone call this weekend]

Saturday:

– coffee
– took call from MOnc re how to handle Dr. Rex Hoffman issue
– trip to Oak Glen, CA with Hubby [See “General Gratitude – For Small Things That Help Me Get Through A Day“]

Our shopping list:
– peach fruit-only preserves/sourdough bread at Mom’s Country Orchards
– Apple Blossom Honey (in place of the Buckwheat I was looking for – Buckwheat only available from April to July – except for the Buckwheat honey I bought in October 2012 <shrug>]
– apple turnovers from Apple Annie’s Restaurant & Bakery
– jewelry from That Jewelry Lady
-pulled pork sandwich and Jonagold ice cream (made on the spot!) for lunch in the courtyard at Snow-Line Orchard
– apples, granola, apple wedger, cider, apple cider mini donuts and apple cinnamon bread from inside Snow-Line Orchard

– dinner on the way home with Hubby at Maria’s
– quick stop at the market for a few basics
– unpacked the truck of our ‘haul’ onto the kitchen counter [I figure Sunday is time enough to divide up, freeze, put away, etc.]

Sunday:

– coffee
– blogging
– sharing on FB [Different content on each platform]
– brunch @ home out of the freezer with Hubby
– more blogging & sharing on FB
– packed apple gift bags for Mom, Dad & someone at Hubby’s work, plus packed up granola bought in Oak Glen for someone I work with
– dinner & Phillip Island MotoGP on tvC

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SNL (1975-1980, 1985-Present): October 20-21, 2012

Who gets the reference?

This has been a rough one.  As soon as I got home from work on Friday, and mentally left this past workweek behind me, there was only one thing I could see ahead – Monday and the tattoos I’d have to get for my radiation therapy.  I’ve never wanted a tattoo.  Please see “My New Ink – The Tattoo I Never Wanted.”

Saturday:

– coffee
– was interviewed by S (with interview trainee L observing) as part of the Mya Research Project being conducted by UCLA to help tailor future resources to better meet women’s emotional needs in the first year after diagnosis – for those who come after me.
– blogging
– reading
– watching TV
– dinner

Sunday:

– coffee
– blogging
– thinking about tattoos
– brunch @ Thelma’s Morning Cafe
– errands [vape store, tattoo shop]
– coffee from Starbucks
– dinner & Sepang, Malaysia Moto2 on tv