Monthly Archives: November 2012

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Radiation Therapy Journal – Day 6 – Monday November 5, 2012

Treatment Notes:

– a weird cold burning in the lower lateral portion of the breast during the down-from-above portion

– a clean machine today!  🙂

Doctor’s Visit:

– clearly I’m doing some better after a weekend where nobody got in my face about anything (but I Do Not feel rested starting a new workweek) – when we were going over my side effects I’m having and the meds I’m taking to manage them, I told my ROnc I’m aware of and consciously managing my CNS depressants – therefore, taking Benadryl to sleep and Tylenol #3 for pain management (although I’m likely to be upping my use of that some because I’m still getting too frequent and severe breakthrough pain), but I’m saving my Ativan for the next time I want to drop-kick someone’s head.  🙂  There was laughter throughout the room and she thought that was a very good use of that particular medication.

– so it seems my nipple issues are normal, or in the doctor’s words nipple sensitivity is common.  Mm-hm, so my nipple getting hard for no good reason and thereby causing me pain is common, so glad to know that.  Despite my (ongoing) concerns, I must be gooping up enough and with the right stuff ‘cuz the boob is Not Yet lobstered.  Woohoo!

Side Effects:

– more frequent breakthrough pain up to almost a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10

– lightheadedness/shaking: I’m guessing this is from a blood sugar issue since all I could think of when this started was FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, and when I ate a big bowl of cereal with raisins and most of a large banana (then ate the rest of the banana), I started to feel better.  It seems that lumberjack appetite is still here (‘cuz I’m thinking of having a peanut butter sandwich too).

– fatigue: was yawning on my drive from RTher to Work, and at 11:00am I could easily lay down and close my eyes.

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SNL (1975-1980, 1985-Present): November 3-4, 2012

Who gets the reference?

Saturday:

– coffee
– reading in bed
– pedicure/nail fill @ the Nail Forum – Porter Ranch
– underarm waxing – wasn’t sure it was a good idea, but decided to go for it because I did not want to shave (I figured more risk of doing damage shaving than by an experienced aesthetician doing a quick wax – which would also last nearly the duration of my RTher).
– reading in bed
– quickie dinner @ home with Hubby

Sunday:

– coffee
– vaping with Hubby
– napping
– brunch

Otherwise known as “something to have Apple Blossom Honey on.”  I woke up this morning wanting some of the apple blossom honey we picked up in Oak Glen last weekend.  I woke up from my nap to find Hubby in his room . . .

[Yes, we do not share a bedroom.  We haven’t for oh, 15 years or so?  It’s partly because he snores, and partly due to changing and incompatible work schedules over the years.  Don’t worry, when we wanna play, we have a whole house to do it in, plus two beds we’re not afraid to mess up ‘cuz they both get slept in every night.  🙂  And, Hubby having his own room serves us in another way than just letting us both sleep – it lets him deal with my need for a tidy, sparely decorated house – by giving him a place Not to have to keep things cleaned up to my standards,]

So, anyway , earlier this morning while we were downstairs hanging out I was trying to find something to have honey on for breffast, asking if he felt like eating (and well, making) pancakes – did we have a pour-liquid-and-shake Biscuit jug (I didn’t want either of us to spend half the day cooking)?  But that didn’t work out, and I Finally felt like if I lay down I could Actually Nap!  So I did that, and woke up to find Hubby having cereal and  went to find myself a carrier for the honey I wanted.  Turns out (after eating a breakfast of actual food with protein and stuff) the carrier of the day was a buttered waffle, previously frozen and now toasted golden brown and warm.  🙂  Then I wrote this post, and now I think I’ll go have the other waffle left in the bag in the box in the freezer, toasted with butter and Apple Blossom Honey, of course. . .

– blogging
– breffast #2 = waffle #2
– more blogging
– eating yummy dinner (pork roast, broccoli, potatoes) cooked by Hubby
– watching tv off the DVR with Hubby (Castle, Once Upon a Time)

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Schedule: Week of October 29-November 2, 2012

Monday [Times after 8:30am approximate – I was out of my routine & not keeping strict track] [Radiation Therapy – Day 1]:

7:30am-8:30am Drive from Home to Disney Family Cancer Center to straighten this out before my appointment at 11:30am [Meet Hubby and Mom to back me up/help me out]
8:30am-9:00am Find the CEO of St. Joseph’s Hospital – Request meeting with same – Get escorted to his office

9:00am-9:10am Throw Dr. Rex Hoffman under the bus with the CEO of the hospital at which he works
9:15am-10:15am Eat breffast w/ Mom & Hubby in the hospital cafeteria – nearly free with coupons from the hospital CEO [wasn’t that nice of him?]
10:30am-11:15am Visit with Nurse Navigator [to make sure I was still welcome in her office, since I bcc’d her on the email in this post – and I was  🙂 – nice chance to catch up] [As I’m walking across the way to the other building I see Dad driving up to join my backup posse]
11:15am-11:45am Wait for my 11:30am first radiation therapy appointment to begin [Dr. Hoffman being the only ROnc in the office today, my care will be changed to another doctor tomorrow]
11:45am-12:30pm First Radiation Therapy appt [w/ Mom, Dad and Hubby as backup]
12:30pm-2:30pm Drive Hubby to his truck [parked and left at a local Starbucks this am to save 1 parking fee at doctor’s appointment] – went w/ Hubby in his truck to a vape store so he could test some flavors [leaving my car in the very same Starbucks parking lot ‘cuz it had already been a tough day and I just wanted to be with him for now] – going back to pick up my car
2:30pm-3:30pm Drive from Starbucks to Home [with 1 stop at a local deli for chicken noodle soup w/ a dry matzo ball on the side – my soul needed it]

Awake in the middle of the night from about 2:15am-4:00am.

Tuesday [Radiation Therapy – Day 2]:

7:00am-8:00am Drive from Home to ROnc
8:00am-8:15am RTher [with Mom in tow since I was seeing the new doc this morning – I try Always to have an extra pair of ears around during doctor’s visits – countless times already someone else has heard something I did not because I get stuck on something and check out of the conversation for some period of time]
8:15am-8:35am Wait for appointment with new ROnc
8:35am-8:55am Appointment with new ROnc
9:00am-9:15am Drive from ROnc to Work
9:15am-1:00pm Work
1:00pm-2:00pm Lunch [a whole hour!  two weeks in a row!  got a couple errands done.  :)]
2:00pm-5:30pm Work
5:30pm-6:50pm Drive from Work to Home [with 1 stop to pick up last minute stuff for work pot luck lunch tomorrow and to have a bowl of candy for kids trick-or-treating in the office, and 1 stop to pick up more meds]

Wednesday [Radiation Therapy – Day 3]:

7:00am-8:05am Drive from Home to RTher
8:05am-8:15am RTher
8:15am-8:35am Waiting to see ROnc [to discuss noticeable side effects Nobody led me to expect I’d have so soon – after Two treatments?!]
8:35am-8:55am ROnc appointment
9:00am-9:15am Drive from ROnc to Work
9:15am-12:30pm Work
12:30pm-2:00pm Halloween Pot Luck Lunch @ Work [& visiting with my work friend’s 18-month-old granddaughter dressed as the cutest pirate ever!]
2:00pm-5:30pm Work
5:30pm-7:00pm Drive from Work to Home [With 3 stops on the way: (1) put gas in the car; (2) Costco – this is a kamikaze run to grab a sweater I’d already bought 2 of (in different colors) in yet a Third color! – Hm, parking lot very empty, what’s up with that?  Oh, right, Halloween – score on the empty Costco!; and (3) the pharmacy Again to pick up the Rx I dropped off last night, and drop off 2 more I got this morning to help deal with side effects of RTher.]

Woke up enough to look at the clock at 3:25am, but managed to get back to sleep without peeing, eating, reading, turning on a light, or even getting out of bed (I think)

Thursday [Radiation Therapy – Day 4]:

7:00am-7:55am Drive from Home to RTher [I actually decided to go all by myself this morning, just like a big girl – and one of my RThers asks where my Mom is and gives me grief about not bringing her with me, for her sake!  (This comes from his understandable perspective of a father with an only child.  Tomorrow I’ll gently remind him that the person at the center of our joint drama isn’t my Mom, it’s me.)  But I did tell him he’d get to see my Mom on Mondays, since Mom will join me on doctor appointment days.]
7:55am-8:05am RTher
8:05am-8:15am Did the PTher I have to do myself to deal with my side effects, and hyper-moisturize the area we’re charring each weekday to hopefully help prevent, well, peeling, weeping, and sloughing of the skin.  🙂
8:20am-8:35am Drive from RTher to Work
8:35am-1:00pm Work
1:00pm-2:00pm Lunch

So, with the start of RTher, apparently comes a new lunch schedule.  Whereas before, I was taking short lunches to make up time taken by randomly-occurring doctor’s appointments, I deliberately made the RTher appointments early enough so that most days (even if slightly delayed by traffic or some other time issue), they would Not interfere with work (I didn’t schedule them so they wouldn’t interfere with work only if timing were perfect every day – this is traffic in greater Southern California I’m dealing with after all).  But that means that most (non-ROnc/non-PTher days) I’ll get to work Early.  Therefore, most days I’ll not only get the hour lunch that used to be my norm, but even after counting the ROnc and/or PTher days when I’ll still be in late, I may even get extra-long lunches on Fridays from getting to work early and storing up some extra work time other days of the week!  We’ll have to see how that works out – or am I just being overly-optimistic now?

2:00pm-5:30pm Work
5:30pm-6:30pm Drive from Work to Home

Friday [Radiation Therapy – Day 5]:

7:10am-8:05am Drive from Home to RTher [With 1 stop @ Starbucks for the weekly coffee treat – yeah, it’s not my only one this week either, I know]
8:10am-8:20am Rather
8:25-8:40 Drive from RTher to Work
9:45am-1:00pm Work
1:00pm-2:00pm Lunch
2:00pm-5:30pm Work
5:30pm-6:30pm Drive from Work to Home

Additional Tasks Accomplished This Week:

– walked at least 20 minutes each day (um, except Monday)
– blogged
– managed to carve out a whole hour for lunch at least one day
– threw my doctor under the bus and replaced him with a new her doctor
– used my hasn’t-happened-in-several-months one-hour lunch to practice some minor retail therapy
– rearranged physical therapy appointments to conform with my new doctor’s schedule, shared same with Hubby, Mom, Dad and work
– actually participated in a Holiday Party – the Halloween Pot Luck Lunch at work

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Radiation Therapy Journal – Day 5 – Friday November 2, 2012

Treatment Notes:

– a little warmth during the down-from-above portion

– Um, I’m going to assume it was Betadine, but there was something splashed on the arm of the machine that I could see behind the head of the machine during the down-from-above portion.  I brought it to the attention of one of my guys (RTech) when my treatment was done (it wasn’t anything that was going to touch me, so I didn’t feel the need to stop things in their tracks to have this dealt with, but did want them to know about it before they put another patient on the table), and they were cleaning it up before I’d even covered up enough to leave the room.  🙂

– Oh, and I told Iggy about my conversations last night (See Radiation Therapy Journal – Day 4 – Thursday November 2, 2012).  He thought it was pretty cool that I’d even ask.  And then I reminded him who we were all here for – to which he completely and heartily agreed.

Side Effects:

– freakin’ lumberjack appetite!  It could be because my hormones are waxing (I’ll let you know if this changes when they crest), but A) I haven’t been noticing any other PMS yet, and B) it would make sense as a side effect of radiation (another one I’ve not heard of – hello people, can I get some information here please?) since the object of the treatment is to, well, not to put too fine a point on it, to destroy my cells, and since this does not distinguish between healthy cells and cancer cells, they both ‘get it,’ so to speak.  So my body needing more fuel to try to heal the damage being done and rebuild my tissue makes sense to my fairly-medically-aware-but-not-an-actual-doctor brain (I was formerly licensed as an EMT and provided volunteer first-responder emergency care at local parades & festivals for a few years).

– pain at the incision on my nipple – this one is starting to worry me a bit.  While other things are coming and going with my mood, stress hormones level, girlie hormones level, sleeping or not sleeping, etc. – this one’s staying fairly constant.  This was Still tender when I started this new treatment – tender enough to be wearing a nursing pad in my bra t0 1) reduce chafing/make sure the softest possible surface was touching it, and 2) to fill out the cup to match the size of the other one (yeah, before I started any treatment at all, lefty was bigger and now righty’s already been surgically reduced once) – of course now that I’ve started radiation and lefty is swollen from damage…things are again reversed.  I’ll let you know if it gives way.

– fatigue – I was doing mostly okay and completely bonked at about 3:30pm.  I’ve forced myself to actually keep working, but please Goddess, when is 5:30pm already?

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Radiation Therapy Journal – Day 4 – Thursday November 1, 2012

This is the first time I’m deciding to go to RTher all by myself – you know, like a big girl.

Treatment Notes:

– my RTher asked where my Mom was, why wasn’t she here?  Really?  I finally decide to treat this thing like it’s no big deal in the hope that acting as if will actually make it feel like no big deal (I’m just coming in for some quick RTher and then I’m off to work – no biggie, right?) and he asks me where my Mom is. . .facepalm.  Well, he knows I’m an only child (from talking to my Mom previously), and he also has only one child, so he’s asking from his/her POV.

This actually got me thinking – I went home and promptly asked Mom, Dad and Hubby if they were as involved with my treatment as they want to be, for themselves.  I figured I prolly knew the answer but I asked anyway, separately, each of them.  I’m not sure that I would have changed anything if they had said “no” but thankfully they all answered “Yes.”  So, tomorrow I’ll let Iggy know that I asked, they said yes, and gently (he really is a good guy) remind him that it’s about me first, before it’s about them.

– a little warmth this morning when they did the down-from-above angle

Side Effects:

– late afternoon fatigue – about the time I usually take my walk around the block – 4:00pmish.  I’ll make it through, but tired enough that my eyes are starting to hurt and there is actual yawning.  I’ve been told to expect serious fatigue, at some point before the end of treatment, which could last up to several months after treatment ends (since things are still ‘cooking’ in there – nice, I know).  I’m hoping this isn’t that, but just reaching the end of my usual weekly energy allotment.  Of course my RSurg thinks my body is, in her word, hyper-reactive (and no, for those who are thinking it, she didn’t mean that in the good way – get your mind out of the gutter just for a minute, k?), so who knows?

– intermittent breast pain – some near the hematoma I still have lateral to the nipple and some from the nipple incision, which is now showing almost a pretty cherry red – if I do lose my skin integrity during this, I’m afraid that may be the first spot to go.  Thought about using ice, again, but didn’t – I was too damn tired to deal with it.  Doesn’t make sense, right, and yet it’s true.

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Radiation Therapy Journal – Day 3 – Wednesday October 31, 2012

Slightly less freaked out after Not being poked/fought with for two whole days.  We’ll see what the doc has to say about my stomach issues – took anti-nausea meds on the way to RTher this morning.

When I came in to the suite this morning I asked the waiting room receptionist to let my ROnc know that I wanted to see her this morning after my treatment.

Treatment Notes:

– didn’t really notice any sensation today

Doctor’s Appointment:

– I’m glad to see my, yes admittedly combative, attitude yesterday did not put off my new doc.  I brought up the concern about nausea and stomach pain leading to real permanent damage.  She could have pulled the “I’m a doctor, just trust me, it’ll be fine” crap, but she didn’t.  She said she didn’t do my radiation plan (she didn’t, the asshole did), so she brought it up on the computer, showing me where it was and where my stomach was and that they did Not overlap.  She actually showed me medical evidence for what she was saying, thereby buying actual credibility with me.  Only then did she opine that my stomach problems may be a result of my anxiety.  Hm, okay, I was certainly open to that possibility (I was under no illusions that I was no more than an inch below the ceiling, and had been at least that tightly wound for almost two weeks), so let’s treat that with an anti-anxiety med – script 1.  This will also help me sleep, which will help reduce the anxiety, which will help me sleep, and so on.

– And, by the way , I was Not told that I would be swelling would be this bad, or this early – I mean even before today’s treatment!  I’m talking at least a half cup, maybe a full cup, and all the way around to the side of my body and up into my axilla.  Swelling causes pain that is breaking through the two Aleves I have on board 24 hours a day, so is this normal?  Why haven’t I heard about this happening so much and so soon?  So, no, it’s unusual to happen so soon, but it’s not unheard of.  Great.  Okay, so let’s further help me sleep by seeing if I can Not wake up in pain, so let’s treat that with a pain med – script 2.

Side Effects:

– No nausea or stomach pain today, that’s a step in the right direction

– breast pain: ice pack used three times – twice on the hematoma lateral to the nipple, and once on the nipple itself.  One time it felt so good in there I almost forgot to take it out after 15 minutes.  Time to start using a timer on that deal again.

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Radiation Therapy Journal – Day 2 – Tuesday October 30, 2012

Generally pretty freaked out still.  Meeting my new ROnc for the first time.  We’ll see how it goes.

Treatment Notes:

– slight feeling of warmth when they did the up-from-under angle

Doctor’s Appointment:

– I’ll admit it, I came in swinging my sword, so to speak.  I was not about to give her a chance to be like the first doctor I’d seen in that office.  It wasn’t just me establishing dominance though, I was still honestly anxious about the whole deal and needed her to know that (as if I could hide it, ha).  It was a kind of a crappy way to get to know a new doctor, but it was what it was.  I told her that I could not wait 15 minutes each week after my treatment to see her because I had to be at work in a nearby city by 9:00am – yes, every weekday.  She unfortunately gave me the “I have a lot of patients and I try to see everybody as soon after their therapy as possible.”  Okay, realistically I know there are other people in the world.  Absolutely.  But, unless some of those other patients are going to go work my work day, or pay my bills…what?  They don’t care about me?  They have their own lives and shit to worry about?  Right.  Absolutely.  Me too.  I prefaced my next comment by saying I hoped she understood how I said this, but “I don’t care about your other patients.  I have to manage my life first.”  Told doc about yesterday’s nausea and she gave me a script for anti-nausea meds.

Side Effects:

– so yesterday’s nausea has today turned into today’s actual stomach pain, just like when my GERD is out of control.  So this makes me wonder exactly where they’re radiating that I’m having such stomach problems.  And I’m going to have to see the doc again tomorrow (I was told I could see a doc any day I needed to, but no Less often than once a week during radiation), because a few months of this (side effects, so I’m told, can last from 3 weeks to a couple of months After the end of treatment as your body catches back up to the damage that’s been done to it) is one thing, 40 years of it from permanent damage done is something we need to talk about.  So back to the doc again tomorrow.

– breast pain: wow, it’s been a bunch of weeks since I thought about putting an ice pack in my bra, and I’m back to that – two separate times.

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Radiation Therapy Journal – Day 1 – Monday October 29, 2012

Treatment Notes:

– slight feeling of warmth when they did the up-from-under angle

Side Effects:

– nausea after treatment – Really?  I hadn’t heard much about nausea as a side effect of radiation therapy, and certainly not after One treatment – this is gonna be fun!

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Locks of Love – For Those Who Come After Me

A week before my first surgery, I went to get a haircut.  A serious haircut.

At that point my hair was pretty long, by anyone’s standards, very much like that of Lady Godiva.

I decided to cut it so as to make it easier to take care of after my surgeries (short enough to be washed leaning back into the sink if necessary).  I figured I’d cut off enough to donate to Locks of Love – two birds with one stone, don’t ya know? – for those who come after me.  I didn’t at that point know whether I’d need chemo and end up losing my hair or not, but either way I figured it was good karma and just the right thing to do.

Although I came out of there feeling bald (in the world according to me), I also was not going to let an inch or two keep me from donating since I was cutting most of my hair off anyway.  I had just enough to meet the length they needed and leave me with a just-longer-than-chin-length bob.  Okay, it met both of the criteria, and I knew it would grow back (I’ve always had lots of thick hair), and if I had to have chemo, lost my hair, and it grew back different (as more than rarely happens), well that was a bridge I didn’t even have to admit existed at that point, let alone deal with crossing.

The week between getting it cut and having my first surgery, I had posted for my friends on Facebook a picture of my cut-off ponytail with the caption “On it’s way to Locks of Love.”

Well, then the rest of the week was cleaning up the house, stocking the fridge, doing laundry, setting up the bedroom with what I thought I’d want while recovering and just plain continuing to breathe in and out to keep the anxiety level anywhere near reasonable.

And then there were two surgeries (two weeks apart to the day), follow-up appointments with both surgeons, getting my ass back to work, interviewing new doctors for the next stage of treatment, doing physical therapy for side effects from at least one of the surgeries, starting the next stage of treatment, and getting at least the bare minimum of chores done to keep my life running (food in the house, enough clean clothes to dress to leave the house every day, paying at least some of the bills).

Needless to say, today this ponytail was still on my desk in my home office.

TODAY IT IS GOING WHERE IT WAS INTENDED TO BE SENT THREE MONTHS AGO!  🙂

Here’s what’s going in the package:

And here’s the package all packed up, stamped and heading out to it’s destination!  🙂

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I’m lucky enough to have found a man who was taught and lives this.

I’m reblogging for those women who have not yet found the man who will love them like this, and for those women who have never had a man like this in their lives, so they don’t know what to look for in their mate – use this as at least one of your decision points about who to give your time, energy and attention to – about who to keep or not keep in your life.

I wish for every woman to find a mate (of whatever gender works for her) who will love her like this – as is mentioned in the post, Not because she can’t take care of herself, but because we all deserve to be loved like this.

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