Tag Archives: Blog

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To Schedule or Not To Schedule, That is the Question

I’m not sure I still feel the need to document my schedule as specifically as I have been lately.

Clock

It felt important to me to share with those who (it’s been said to me numerous times) “had no idea” of the degree of chaos and intrusion into one’s normal life that cancer and its treatments cause.  The craziness that ensues from trying to work full-time through radiation (I didn’t quite make it, but didn’t realize until I was almost done with radiation how many people don’t even attempt it!) is really of the batshit-insane variety, and not only did I post for some sympathy (yeah, at some point – well lots of points – this Is actually about me!), but Also to let other people know when I say I don’t have time and energy to see them/do whatever . . .

. . . that there are some times in life when what gets accomplished gets whittled down to the serious bare necessities, and going through radiation therapy while working Is One of Those Times!

In fact, if it weren’t for Hubby, I may well have had to ask for help keeping food in my house.

Fairly quickly, my life became about 3 things and 3 things only:

three-fingers

– Cancer Stuff:

Radiation Therapy
Radiation Oncologist Appointments
Physical Therapy
Acupuncture
Support Group

– Work

As much as I still could, as I went through the 7 weeks

– Sleep/Rest

That was it.

Now that I’m through those 7 weeks, it will take me some time to transition out of that mindset . . .

And I already feel some better (though I don’t yet trust that feeling), not having those 5 additional deadlines in my schedule every week – and knowing the physical symptoms will take weeks to months to fully resolve (both skin issues and energy levels).

This morning was, well, just weird:

– being allowed to apply antiperspirant (at all) and body lotion (right after my shower)

– not having to leave the house until 8:00am

– not having to wear something I could pull down (if a dress) or a shirt I could take off, in other words Not having to wear something in which I could easily expose the girls without having to gown up (sorry, I’m just not a gown girl, for various reasons – this may or may not become a separate post).

You see, it seems to be part of conventional wisdom that it takes six weeks to make or break a habit.  Doesn’t sound right to you?  Okay, this is me Googling it.

My point is that the 7 weeks of my radiation therapy is just enough time for things like not applying antiperspirant, or not applying anything to my underarms and no lotion on my body directly after showering – to stop feeling weird and wrong, and something I have to think about (not doing).  And now I have to work at recreating those habits – recreating those parts of my normal life.  But that still won’t take up the time (and hopefully the energy either) that the radiation therapy took.

So, we’ll see whether I feel like continuing the schedule thing as I have been.  If I don’t, maybe I’ll have time to write some other blog posts, parts of which have been sitting hidden online as drafts for a while.

<shrug>

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Radiation Therapy Journal – Day 28 – Friday December 7, 2012

Treatment Notes:

– Today is my last day of “regular” radiation therapy, and next Monday begins my “boost” radiation therapy.  Up until now the radiation has been spread over my whole boob, which actual tissue is farther and wider than one might think (the delineated soon-to-be radiation “no fly zone” stretches – measured laying on my back with both arms bent back up over my head – from the center of my sternum all the way around to the center of the left side of my body, and from a point along the outside edge of my boob level with the top of my sternum down to an inch and a half under my inframammary fold.).  Starting Monday, the 1.8 Gy fractionation per treatment spread across the whole boob becomes a 2.0 Gy fractionation per treatment concentrated in the tumor bed only.  Where the whole boob deal was administered from above-and-down-from-the-bottom-right (the machine emitting the radiation was positioned basically above my stomach and pointed just “south” of my armpit) and from below-and-from-the-top-left (the machine is slightly below me angled up from just “south” of my armpit pointing basically toward my stomach) (both of which angles if the depth were miscalculated would harmlessly shoot away from my body into the open air, the boost part will be straight down into my body from above (I’m imaging from somewhere above the left side of my body angled some top-to-bottom, left-to-right way entirely through my body front to back – I’ll know more on Monday when it actually happens), carefully (I sure fucking hope!) calculated to hit the bottom of the tumor bed, but no farther down into my body.

– Oddly enough, with the first blast of down-from-above today, I got some pain where the my ribs connect to the top of my sternum.  Also, as I’m wearing a bra today for the first time in more than a couple days (since the increased pain lately made me wonder if I should be dealing with gravity more deliberately), but I’m finding it generally uncomfortable, slighty cutting into me on the side where I’m more swollen, and then there’s the rubbing on the nipple.  Welcome back to damned-if-I-do, damned-if-I-don’t.

Side Effects:

– Fatigue/lightheadedness – Seems to be a regular deal these days having this hit me while I’m walking from treatment out into the parking lot to go to work.  I’m not sure if it’s one or the other, or both.  I can’t always necessarily separate them (not that I’m trying so hard to do so.)  Thankfully, when I sit down in the car to drive to work, my mind is all there and I’ve not felt like I would be a danger to myself or anyone else (or I’d not drive until I was safe).

– Just plain fatigue – yeah, I’m typing this and it’s only 12:35pm.  Seriously?  That’s it?  Time’s now going backwards, right?

– When I got home and got ready to do my evening gooping, I stopped at the exposing the boob part, since mine had (guess I wasn’t going to get away without it after all) gone full red – like lobster colored.  Fabulous, my last mother-fucking day of full-boob radiation.  Plus…

– more numbness (means more swelling, or more concentrated swelling is now interfering with nerve conduction) and more overt swelling/pain in my axilla

Copyright Ridingthebcrollercoaster.com 2012 All Rights Reserved.

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Very Inspiring Blogger Award

I got a bonus today!  I opened my WordPress Reader to find that anotheronewiththecancer had nominated me for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award:

veryinspiringblogawardWhen I first decided to write this blog, it was of me, about me and for me (See “Who, What, Why“) and inspiring someone else seemed to me to be just a possible bonus.  Since then, becoming more involved in both my local and the online breast cancer (and other cancers) communities, and seeing how I’ve benefitted from knowing others and their journeys, the possibility that what I’m going through could possibly make someone else’s journey through similar territory just a little bit easier, point them toward something that helps them get through a day (See “Resources“), or just gives them an unexpected but I’m sure much-needed laugh, has become more important to me.

That’s why I’m truly honored to be nominated for this award – thank you!

The Very Inspiring Blogger Award Rules

1.  Display the award logo on your blog – check.
2.  Link back to the person who nominated you – check (see above).
3.  State 7 things about yourself – check (directly below this list).
4.  Nominate 15 bloggers for this blog and link to their pages – check (next list after the stuff about me – below).
5.  Notify these bloggers of the nomination and the awards’ requirements – right, will be doing that over the weekend!

7 Things You Might Not Know About Me:

1.  I ride motorcycles, and I didn’t grow up doing it.  I didn’t learn to ride motorcycles until after I turned 30 – I blame, I mean thank, Hubby for that.  Even better, Dad can’t be mad at Hubby for it.  You see, when Hubby ‘got me’ I already had speed and racing in my blood, thanks to Dad: when I was 14, Dad raced Porsche 914-4’s as a hobby and for the first 3 years of Dad’s racing, I was his only pit crew.  It was just me and him, showing up at the gates of the racetrack at 7:30 in the morning waiting for them to open the gates, claiming a garage and pit spot, unloading the car (our first trailer did not have a winch, so Dad would unhook 3 of the tie-downs and I’d brace the car while he unhooked the 4th and we’d back it off the trailer together – then at the end of the day we’d push the car up and I’d brace it while he hooked the first tie-down, then we’d do the rest together), then while he was unloading all the tools & stuff, I’d untape the carburetors and go arrange for race gas delivery.  So Hubby is actually very smug about my Dad’s discomfort about me riding motorcycles (since, when I started, I knew I’d eventually go fast enough to scare Dad) ‘cuz Dad is a cage-guy (and a closed-wheel cage-guy at that), and I’m much less protected on a motorcycle than Dad was in his race car.  But I also ride according to the four things Dad taught me about inherently-dangerous sports: a) wear all the most current safety equipment possible, b) get the best possible training in your chosen sport, c) keep your equipment in impeccable working order, then d) forget about the risks and go have fun!

2.  I’m Jewish.  I consider myself culturally Jewish, but not religiously Jewish.  In terms of religion, I consider myself rather more spiritual and happen to believe that all the major religions have the same tenets of love, tolerance, and charity at their roots.  That isn’t to say I necessarily have anything against Judaism as a religion.  I’ve been to ceremonies and services in Temple from time to time and found some comfort in the sense of submission to God I felt during some of those times.  There is a relaxation in giving over to an other, being of service, and relying on their protection and caretaking, if only for temporary periods of time.

3.  Next Monday, December 10, 2012 is my 21st anniversary with Hubby.  We both originally went into this relationship with the perspective that we’d hang out with each other until someone better came along.  When I mentioned the other day that Monday was approaching, he asked me if I thought we’d ever find someone better.  I told him I was losing hope about that after all this time and he might just be stuck with me.  He said he could live with that, so we’ll go on counting December 10ths for a while yet.

4.  I am interested in and have explored the idea of dominance and submission in other parts of life than just the religious.  If this comment is a bit obscure for you, feel free to ask privately.  I’ll certainly answer you, but whether the answer is the whole truth or not depends on who asks.  🙂

5.  I’m a knitter; hence some of the blogs I’m nominating below are knitting blogs.  Knitting comes and goes in my life.  I get really into it for a while, then some other part of life will take precedence and I’ll let it go.  And then some time down the road things start to feel a little crazy and my mind turns back to knitting for a bit of private, quiet-time zen.  And round and round we go.

6.  I was born under the sign of Gemini, which may not surprise anyone who has noticed the back-and-forth, not-all-one-thing-or-another, one-answer-in-one-mood-another-answer-in-another-mood nature of my blog.  BTW, this was true before cancer and should not be confused with the Roller Coaster Of Cancer, which is its own separate phenomenon to which I am Also currently subject.  It’s not that I can’t find the middle ground, it’s just usually that I’m waving to it on my swing from one end of the pendulum to the other, promising it I’ll see it again on my next time by.

7.  Hm, last one, what shall it be?  I’m also sort of a foodie, maybe more of a theoretical foodie than an actual concrete foodie.  I wish I had more time to cook from scratch and that I chose to spend more of the time I do have in cooking from scratch, but (Especially Now) there’s only so much time, and more importantly, energy to go around.  And though I may never actually find it and stay there for very long (See No. 6 above), I Am always looking for balance.

Okay, just because I got to my 7 things and thought of one I really wanted to include, but didn’t want to wipe any of the above out, I’m including a bonus 8th thing:

8.  I’ve always wanted to be a writer, and soon after starting this blog a friend of mine brought it to my attention that because of this blog, I am!  I grew up in an extremely verbal and articulate family (See “I Missed You Last Night, Grandma – Single Malt Scotch and Election Returns“) and was always praised for my writing ability throughout my school years, and then again when I lost my Grandmother last New Year’s Eve (yeah, this whole year has kinda sucked in some ways, from beginning to end), my published-writer cousin complimented me on the quality of my writing when he heard my remarks at my grandmother’s memorial service.  I never really thought of it in these terms until recently but I like telling stories, painting word pictures, sharing information and teaching something to someone so that they understand it.  I mean, I wrote over 1000 words in no time at all about getting blood drawn for lab tests (See “Seriously, this Woman Knows Her Way Around a Vein – I’m Naming Names Again“) just to praise people who were kind to me and walked the talk!  Even I recognize some might say that’s kinda crazy.  So, starting this blog merely as an outlet has become something I’ve looked for my whole life and my job/career never dovetailed with.  It has since become something I feel I don’t have enough time to do, which must mean it’s important to me.  I’m a writer.

Blogs I Read and Am Inspired By:

Swift Expression
Trifecta
The Sarcastic Boob
Amateur Gourmet
Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer
elynjacobs
Twist Collective
Natty Knitter
Margaret and Helen
hkt4life
A Faded Romantic’s Notebook
The Judeo/Christian Tradition
Blogging for a Good Book
Knitting to Stay Sane
Pickles

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Radiation Therapy Journal – Day 27 – Thursday December 6, 2012

Treatment Notes:

– Okay, today I got a real zotz when the treatment first started, straight through my nipple, then it went away and didn’t hurt anymore.

[Right, sorry, “zotz.”  Okay, so I tried to find the definition of this word I always thought was Yiddish, but I’m not so much finding an actual definition in a casual web search.  So I’ll define it for you as I’ve always used it and known it to be used, so you know what the hell I’m trying to say.

A “zotz” is a sharp, stabbing or burning pain that comes on instantly and is gone almost before you actually realize it’s there, but leaves an echo behind for a bit.]

Side Effects:

– Tired (come on, you’d wonder what was going on if I didn’t feel the fatigue anymore).

[But of course that’s also not surprising given my 11:00pm actual bedtime last night.  No, 7 hours isn’t enough sleep for me when I’m Not in primary cancer treatment – it’s Definitely not enough now.]

– more pain than I’ve been having the last few days.  Not entirely surprising – I’m extra tired today and that always makes things hurt more, and I got manhandled pretty good yesterday (which was necessary, but still made me hurt more).  So early to bed and maybe tomorrow will better.  At least tomorrow will be Friday, which is Always a good thing!

Copyright Ridingthebcrollercoaster.com 2012 All Rights Reserved.

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Radiation Therapy Journal – Day 26 – Wednesday December 5, 2012

Treatment Notes:

– Again, really nothing to feel during treatment, although once they got me into the position they wanted me in, I felt kinda tweaked.  But we can do anything for 5-10 minutes, right?

Physical Therapy:

– today kinda hurt – I’m having some increased swelling, including some into my arm, but certainly into my axilla and down the side of my body.  She also got rid of some adhesions underneath my nipple scar – breath in, breath out, she’ll stop in a minute.

– PTher is also going to start the process of getting me a sleeve.  You see, one of the fun things about this cancer and its treatments is the risk of lymphedema in the affected arm (for me, that’s left) . . . in hot weather, when ramping up exercise, just being at altitude, or plane travel . . . For The Rest Of My Life.  Woohoo!   So they have these spandex or lycra or something sleeves to add some compression to help the lymph system drain more normally.  Though I haven’t had lymphedema in the arm, I could start, at any time.  Of course, sometimes if I need to wear the sleeve, it’s possible that fluid can get stuck down in my hand and cause my hand to swell – more fun – so I’ll have to be prepared with a glove too.  Dontcha wish you could be me?

– On the plus side, however, when I first started getting PTher, she said a lot of people like to do it at the end of the day, then go home and relax.  It turns out that the lymphatic system is very shallow under the skin.  Therefore, very little pressure is needed to move the lymph fluid through the system.  The result of this information is that lymph drainage feels like a very light swedish massage (over the affected parts of the lymph system) and is very relaxing.  Unfortunately for me, because they start early, their “last appt of the day” is nowhere near late enough to be after I’m done with work.  But today, I’m not going to work (same with two weeks from now), so I can enjoy the relaxation of my PTher (after the pain) and go home to nap (after breffast/brunch of course – see my schedule for this week).

Side Effects:

– Tired (yes, I’m getting as bored typing it as you are reading it) – this time it hit me on my way to the car.

– More pain today, though not entirely unexpected after I’ve been (necessarily and as gently as she can) manhandled.  Of course I don’t want adhesions under my scars, of course I want to minimize the tissue damage my treatments necessarily cause.  So I went home (eventually – after brunch & a quick apple-acquisition stop) and lay down – that always helps the pain.

Copyright Ridingthebcrollercoaster.com 2012 All Rights Reserved.

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Radiation Therapy Journal – Day 25 – Tuesday December 4, 2012

Treatment Notes:

– Same old, same old now (if it’s not films/doctor day).  Marina was kind enough to bring me a warm blanket today without me having to ask – she seems to know which days are cold enough to be automatic-blanket days and which days to ask if I want one.  That girl’s gonna do fine (she’s doing her internship with my regularly-scheduled/licensed guys).

Side Effects:

– tired, again (still?) – I keep throttling back on what I’m doing (on wise advice of Dad, trying Very Hard Not to Overdo when I feel okay), and yet it only takes one long day to really wipe me out at this point – the fatigue slammed me midday when I headed out to pick up lunch.

– some nipple pain today, and me with my lidocaine gel down in the car – the good news is the pain’s not bad enough I hafta run down there ‘n’ fetch the gel.

Copyright Ridingthebcrollercoaster.com 2012 All Rights Reserved.

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Friday Fictioneer – November 30, 2012

Friday Fictioneer - 11-30-12

I walked.

All day, I walked.

Without a destination, I walked.

Without counting my steps, without seeing outside my own body, I walked.

My thoughts churning, the tornado in my head skittering here and there, I walked.

Without food, without drink, I walked.

Without talking, without hearing, I walked.

All morning, all afternoon, I walked.

Without looking, without seeing, I walked.

Without touching, without feeling, I walked.

And finally, at dusk, the outside world, the real world, reality itself, returned.

The concrete, the lights, the sky, the color, the air, the sky, the people.

I saw, I heard.

I felt.

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Radiation Therapy Journal – Day 24 – Monday December 3, 2012

Treatment Notes:

– They needed to do new films today, and have the doctor come in while I’m positioned on the table because I was swollen and she needed to confirm application of cell-destroying radiation – um, okay.  So my guys could see that on the films (that I was swollen from the treatment – if you’ve been reading me you know it actually happened Treatment Day 1 or 2), and I’m imagining the CT scans taken last week to plan the boost Did Not exactly match the CT scans taken a week before I started treatment because treatment made me swell damn near immediately!  But could she have believed me when I told her this 4 weeks ago?!  Apparently Not – she must be a fan of Dr. House (who gets the reference – 1st section?)!  But other than it taking a bit longer than normal – nothing much to see here, move along.

Doctor’s Visit:

– I’m inclined to believe that my ROnc actually did talk to my RSurg last week as she claims she did, for two reasons:

1) Mom pointed out that she said she did in my medical records and she couldn’t/wouldn’t do that if it weren’t true ‘cuz of this little thing called Medical Ethics.  Count on Mom for reminding me of the logical side of things.  But even more than that, I believe they talked because . . .

2) ROnc did Not try to push me into what she thinks I should do.  She walked into the room with printouts (as I had asked her to do) of the boost plan.  She explained them to me.  She then hands me and explains to me several study abstracts backing up her claim of the benefit the boost will provide to me And shows me the fairly good cosmetic results also covered in the studies.

She then tells me that she’ll do her visit notes with me and when we’re both happy, Then (electronically) sign them and print me a copy (to avoid having to void and reissue the notes as I had her do last week regarding my use of painkillers to get through the pain caused by the swelling (that she actually now believes exists) caused by the treatment itself.

She reads the notes right up until the last sentence, which I happen to see as she’s printing and closing that screen: “Patient will be given discharge instruction on last day of treatment.”  I repeat this to her and ask her to get them to me earlier (I don’t need things like that to be last minute in case I end up having questions, but she says they basically say “Call me if you have any questions or problems.”) and then she says she’ll have them printed and I need to bring them back to her, signed, on Friday, which will be my last day of treatment if I decide not to have the boost.

No further pressure – just giving me the information and letting it be my decision.  This is actually why I quit smoking (98 days CFT, BTW!) – because my RSurg Did NOT tell me to quit – she just told me what would happen to my body if I didn’t and I decided all by myself, just like a big girl who doesn’t have to be told, that my boobs and what I was going through to keep them, were more important to me than smoking.  I have to come around to things in my own time.  Forcing me there does not get me there sooner, it Delays Me Getting There.  Christ Almighty, she could have saved me so much angst if she had figured this out sooner!

Side Effects:

– lightheadedness, again – intermittently throughout the day

– So, interestingly totally normal blood pressure (107/62) this morning during my morning activities & the weekly installment of putting my doctor in her place.  Okay, so I seemed all calm this morning.  I figured I’d go with it.  Then midday I get nauseous and start to hurt, badly.  It’s actually my back that hurts, but I know it’s coming from stomach upset – this is a fairly familiar GERD pain pattern.  So maybe my Monday Morning Stuff manifested this way instead of as higher than normal blood pressure.  Okay, so I take a Zofran for the nausea.  30 minutes later the nausea was gone.  The pain wasn’t.  Took a pain pill.  45 minutes later no nausea And no pain!  Yay!  Time for lunch – soup, just to be on the safe side.  All’s well with the tummy for the rest of the day.

Copyright Ridingthebcrollercoaster.com 2012 All Rights Reserved.

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SNL (1975-1980, 1985-Present): December 1-2, 2012

Who gets the reference?

Saturday:

[So, this morning I wake up all alone in my house.  Hubby is off doing a Z club drive and track day somewhere (to continue in the spirit of geographical vagueness) at a small airport in Riverside County.  Now, this could go on my “Things Cancer Has Screwed Me Out Of,” and it might, but honestly (as you may have noticed by the decreasing number of posts being published lately that) this fatigue business is really taking its toll.

So, Hubby is off for his day of driving fun (and please know that he tried many ways to get me to come with him – he hates it too that I can’t do everything I/we want to do right now.  He offered to wrap me up in warm blankies after breffast for the drive to the track day venue – and he Even offered to drive at the Back of the Pack so the drive would be Less exciting and I could maybe sleep during the drive between food and track day fun.  Now, for Hubby, who is a Very Talented Rider/Drive – Seriously, Please, Please Do Not follow him into the corners, ride/drive Your Own ride/drive, thank you, your cooperation is much appreciated, by you mostly 🙂 –  and who, like me, Really Likes a good exciting ride/drive – That is True Love!).

Well, it might not be to you, but it made me feel loved, and since this is my blog and my world to create – that’s what matters.  Along with the fact that Hubby mentioned when I go to the next one we’ll have to ask the kind club member who arranged for food to please make sure there is some available without barbecue sauce (I have a pre-diabetic condition that I’ve control by diet for 25 years now), and then mentioned that we could have stripped the skin of f a chicken breast and reasonably gotten me fed even today if I had gone.

Unfortunately a 12+ hour day with lots of movement and excitement on a Saturday is not on my agenda just now.  But a day to myself all alone in my house is.  :-)]

– coffee
– managing email (filing, handling to-do’s contained therein, etc.)

[I’m kind of embarrassed about how long it’s been since I curated my email properly, so I’m not gonna tell ya – let’s just say it predates my cancer diagnosis (by a fair timeframe), so I’ve got a lot of ignored/collected email to deal with – in multiple accounts because I’m an information organizer – fun.

The good news is that I’ve processed this cancer thing enough, or gotten through enough of the treatment for it, or just plain got bored enough with it – to want to exert some control over parts of my life where I may still have some (for me, that’s a good thing), and it’s manifesting as wanting to get my email back under deliberate control – one mailbox at a time.]

– brunch

[If you’ve been reading  me, you know weekend brunch is a thing with me.  Just because I’m alone doesn’t mean I don’t get brunch.  After all, I can cook, and today I only hafta cook for myself – no figuring out if we both want the same thing, and if not, figuring how we both get what we want, and who cooks it and who does the dishes . . . and all that shit.

Breffast/Brunch:

– Egg in the Basket (which I’ve been calling “toad in the hole” even though the British version of toad in the hole is a different dish entirely)
– leftover chicken & apple sausage
– cheesy hash browns from the freezer]

– more email management

[Then 4:00 pm hit and I was suddenly tired – ‘course I’d only been staring at my computer and making decisions since about 8:00 am (with a short break for cooking breffast and another one for heading down to grab a mid-afternoon snack), and the brain is one of the most energy-hungry organs in the body, so no wonder I was tired.]

– reading in bed
– eating dinner after listening to Hubby recount his day

Sunday:

– coffee
– nap (a nap day is Always better than a non-nap day)
– brunch w/ Hubby

[Today He wanted what I’ve been calling Toad in the Hole, and he laughed when I said I’d had it yesterday!  But I made him some, and I was back to protein to eat before waffles (Hubby had gotten me some fruit-juice-sweetened, gluten-free ones and we were both wanting to see how they tasted).

I cooked breakfast for us both (just plain fried eggs and a couple small round brown-n-serve sausages for me), then I made um, breakfast dessert?  Second breakfast?  Dunno what to call it exactly – I had my breffast in courses this day, so it was time for the second course – waffles.  Hubby only wanted a bite to taste them and I ate the rest . . . of two waffles . . . liberally coated with both melted butter and maple syrup.  I must say, they were a really good, plain carrier for the butter and sweetness tastes that were the main attraction.]

– made applesauce

[Yeah, from scratch again.  If you’re reading me, you know I love my trips to Oak Glen (search this blog for that phrase/name).  And I was under obligation to make applesauce to be ready no later than December 11th of this year.  But that’s my own fault.  You see, last year a work colleague volunteered to make latkes to bring to the office to celebrate Chanukah.  Having so fallen in love with Oak Glen and its bounty of apples, I volunteered to make applesauce to accompany the latkes.  I made a batch of applesauce this big.  I came home with an inch of applesauce left in the bottom of the container.

So a week ago (she knew I had gone to Oak Glen multiple times this year and had bought plenty of apples), my work colleague (same one as last year) tells our office manager (right in front of both of our desks) “We’ll be celebrating Chanukah here in the office on Monday, December 11th, with latkes And Applesauce . . . (now looking my way) And Applesauce.”  To which I replied, “Yes, Ma’am, I’ll make applesauce.”

Oh, and Hubby’s been sending me recipes over the last month or two (every since we started our annual multi-day pilgrimage to Oak Glen), and every other one uses applesauce – yes, he’s hinting Broadly!

I do admit it’s my own fault, I did it to myself.  But, I could do worse things to myself than to cook things that other people request again year after year, eh?]

– hanging with Hubby, watching TV for a bit
– dinner with Hubby, watching Copper off the DVR

Copyright Ridingthebcrollercoaster.com 2012 All Rights Reserved.

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Radiation Therapy Journal – Day 19 – Monday November 26, 2012

Treatment Notes:

– really nothing to report, except for slipping by one of my guys at the front of the suite on my way back to the machine – being Perfectly on time and having him scramble to catch up with me today – hehehe (well, I’d take credit, but I think we’re maybe headed into that amorphous time of half-holiday-light traffic as we gear up for schools to start letting out for Christmas Break (yeah, I’m Jewish, I celebrate Chanukah, I’ve been known to have a Christmas tree, not a Chanukah Bush, get over the ultra-political-correctness already, will ya?)

Doctor’s Visit:

– Yeah, long story short:

She said she called my RSurg, had a discussion with her, and that my RSurg was okay with a “regular boost,” but was concerned that I was getting a “super boost,” and therefore was comfortable with the boost plan in place for me

. . . which claims, all of them, will be checked out by me, hopefully telephonically, with my RSurg, since I trust her, but do Not trust my ROnc to have the Whole Me in her best interest.  I wish I did, but I don’t.  Oh well.

. . . which boost plan has not been drawn up – What?  Yes, the boost plan (the last week or so of treatment where they take the daily amount of radiation currently spread over the whole boob, and concentrate that amount of radiation in the tumor bed only) has Not Yet been planned.

As I was writing the last sentence, my ROnc called me – she wants to get new CT readings (since I’m having some swelling – or she finally believes I am – she never got to see me before I started rad therapy and I swelled almost immediately) but using my existing tattoos – to make sure the boost plan is completely accurate (since my body has changed with the swelling since beginning this treatment, the CT scans done a week before I began treatment may not be accurate to my anatomy today).  Then she will take Thursday and Friday to do the boost plan.  She will print it out for me (like I asked her to do today with the regular plan) so we can discuss it next Monday at our visit.

Then I’ll have all of next week, still on the original and unchanged first part of the plan to decide if I want to do the boost or not (which, if I do it, will start the following Monday) without getting me into a situation where I don’t have enough time to consider boost or no boost before we’re forced to consider an unintended break in treatment.

So, that’s the plan for the moment, so to speak.]

Side Effects:

– Um, other than blood pressure of 140/75 this morning (WAY high for me – I’m usually – well, BC as in Before Cancer anyways – around 110/60 normally), but since I was planning to follow my “new normal” Monday schedule of 1) get my radiation treatment, 2) put my doctor in her place, 3) go to work – I was okay with that reading (this too shall pass) – the good old “white-coat syndrome” magnified and all that.

Update: This early evening before acupuncture, Mo took my blood pressure again – 110/70.  Not surprising at all.  I was having the Pavlovian relaxation reaction just being there knowing what we were about to do was going to make me feel better, immediately and for days to come.

In fact, when I left I shared the elevator down with another cancer patient I had met at acupuncture and we both had that ever so slightly sleepy, very relaxed ‘I just had acupuncture’ look on both our faces and shared that moment together in the elevator on the way downstairs.

– less pain today.  I’m inside the week that my acupuncture treatment effects seem to last (I managed to get another appt with Mo tonight – yay!), and the past 4 days of not having to wear a bra, and being able to rest and/or sleep Whenever I Want have helped too – a much needed break indeed.

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