I’m not sure I still feel the need to document my schedule as specifically as I have been lately.
It felt important to me to share with those who (it’s been said to me numerous times) “had no idea” of the degree of chaos and intrusion into one’s normal life that cancer and its treatments cause. The craziness that ensues from trying to work full-time through radiation (I didn’t quite make it, but didn’t realize until I was almost done with radiation how many people don’t even attempt it!) is really of the batshit-insane variety, and not only did I post for some sympathy (yeah, at some point – well lots of points – this Is actually about me!), but Also to let other people know when I say I don’t have time and energy to see them/do whatever . . .
. . . that there are some times in life when what gets accomplished gets whittled down to the serious bare necessities, and going through radiation therapy while working Is One of Those Times!
In fact, if it weren’t for Hubby, I may well have had to ask for help keeping food in my house.
Fairly quickly, my life became about 3 things and 3 things only:
– Cancer Stuff:
Radiation Oncologist Appointments
As much as I still could, as I went through the 7 weeks
That was it.
Now that I’m through those 7 weeks, it will take me some time to transition out of that mindset . . .
And I already feel some better (though I don’t yet trust that feeling), not having those 5 additional deadlines in my schedule every week – and knowing the physical symptoms will take weeks to months to fully resolve (both skin issues and energy levels).
This morning was, well, just weird:
– being allowed to apply antiperspirant (at all) and body lotion (right after my shower)
– not having to leave the house until 8:00am
– not having to wear something I could pull down (if a dress) or a shirt I could take off, in other words Not having to wear something in which I could easily expose the girls without having to gown up (sorry, I’m just not a gown girl, for various reasons – this may or may not become a separate post).
You see, it seems to be part of conventional wisdom that it takes six weeks to make or break a habit. Doesn’t sound right to you? Okay, this is me Googling it.
My point is that the 7 weeks of my radiation therapy is just enough time for things like not applying antiperspirant, or not applying anything to my underarms and no lotion on my body directly after showering – to stop feeling weird and wrong, and something I have to think about (not doing). And now I have to work at recreating those habits – recreating those parts of my normal life. But that still won’t take up the time (and hopefully the energy either) that the radiation therapy took.
So, we’ll see whether I feel like continuing the schedule thing as I have been. If I don’t, maybe I’ll have time to write some other blog posts, parts of which have been sitting hidden online as drafts for a while.