SNL (1975-1980, 1985-Present): December 29, 2012 – January 1, 2013

Who gets the reference?

Saturday:

– coffee/knitting in the “nest” in my home office

[My “nest” is a loveseat of which each side is an independent recliner, and has lived in my home office since we got it, many moons ago.  On top of it reside a couple of neck pillows and a comforter, so I can be comfies there.]

– Starbucks

[S/F Mocha w/ whip for the drive to the Westside.]

– Lunch @ Mom’s
– Dad’s old (current) place
– Dad’s new place

[Lots of emotions happening with these stops – See “What Looked Like ‘Better” Turned Out to be PMS and a Full Moon.”]

– Frosting Cupcakery

Frosted Cupcakery

[Stopped at this place on the spur of the moment, thinking I’d pick up a cupcake or two (emotional eating, I know, it was a rough day).  When I got there I thought I’m headed through Burbank anyway on my way home which means stopping at Dad’s Donuts because their chocolate cream donut makes my toes curl in a good way – no exaggeration – “Don’t Bother Me, I’m Eating!”

So I happened to see their Frosted Cupcakery’s Hi-Tops and figured I’d get two of those (the seem like two- or three-biters, so they’d be just a nice little taste for Hubby and me).  I got a white chocolate salted caramel and a chocolate peppermint (didn’t see this flavor on their website, so I’m guessing it’s a seasonal deal).]

Sit N Stitch
– Unwind

Unwind Knitting Burbank

– Bed Bath & Beyond

[I had stopped for a salad spinner – I was gonna get one even though Mom said I could have hers since she never uses it – but the line was too long and I was getting tired.  This had been a pretty big day already.]

– Home

Sunday:

– collapse

[Yeah, I got through my Saturday and I was done.  So, I think I did the following things, not necessarily in this order:

– coffee
– reading
– watching tv
– knitting
– napping

After napping, Hubby told me he had placed an order at the Container Store of a few more bits for our ongoing garage remodel project and they had texted him it was ready for pickup – I could come with him to get it or stay home, whatever I wanted.  I decided to go, so . . .]

– Starbucks: coffee for the road
– Container Store: picking up the stuff he’d ordered

[He called them as we pulled up outside, they brought it out and loaded it up – we didn’t even have to get out of the truck – Love That!]

– Maria’s Italian Kitchen: Dinner

[We had previously eaten there a couple months ago, on the way back from one of our trips to Oak Glen (See “SNL (1975-1980, 1985-Present): October 27-28, 2012.”), we didn’t have one near us, we were driving by one and it was almost dinner time – so I asked Hubby if he wanted to eat before we headed home – we did.]

– Home: hanging out while Hubby installed garage bits

Monday:

– 9:00am-1:00pm work

[Yeah, I decided to just stick this in here ‘cuz it’s a half day in what otherwise woulda been another 4-day weekend, and I didn’t wanna make a whole new separate post for it and well, it’s just here – so there.]

– H&M

H&M

[My previous stash of Gap t-shirts is starting to wear out, and I’ve recently fallen in love with H&M’s L.O.G.G. brand t-shirts (they’re cheaper than Gap too) ‘cuz they’re So Soft they’re comfortable directly on my sore nipple, and that’s seriously saying something – SCORE!  So I went and got myself some to replace the ones that are wearing out.]

– Target

Target_640x455

[Stopped by a Target to try to pick up a skirt in my size that Hubby had gotten me, but he had brought home a size too small (yep, if you’re gonna err, that’s the direction to do it!), but couldn’t find it in the size I wanted.  :-(]

– Nap @ Home

[For the rest of today and my overnight, please see “Up at Midnight.”]

Tuesday:

– watch replay of Rose Parade in bed w/ Hubby
– brunch cooked by Hubby

[Yep, food, it’s a thing.  Brunch, it’s a thing.  Hubby says what do I want to eat.  I point him toward some pre-made cheesy hashbrowns I’d bought.  He says how do you want your eggs.  I say however you want to cook them.  Breffast/Brunch:

– Hillshire Farms Cheddarwurst, fried
– pre-made cheesy hashbrowns, nuked
– scrambled eggs with organic red onions, organic thyme, organic rosemary (all from Abundant Harvest Organics – See “I’ve Been Eating More Dirt Lately – Organic Produce Delivery 12-22-12.”), grape tomatoes and crumbled goat cheese!  Yum!

– emptied dishwasher
– loaded dishwasher
– washed dishes
– ran dishwasher
– watched college football on TV with Hubby
– emptied dishwasher

The Palace grill

– made The Palace Grill Rosemary-Buttermilk Muffins
– made roasted veggies

[Organic russet potatoes, organic sweet potatoes, organic butternut squash, some other kind of organic squash, all from Abundant Harvest Organics, drizzled with olive oil & organic rosemary (AHO).]

– nuked mac & cheese

[Added cubed beef tenderloin (crisped up in a pan), organic green onions (AHO), a dash of Half & Half and sprinkled with just a bit of shredded cheddar cheese and the last of the green onions.]

Copyright Ridingthebcrollercoaster.com 2012 All Rights Reserved.

Thoughts: Week of December 26-28, 2012 (No Mon/Tues)

Wednesday:

8:10am-9:07 Drive from Home to Work

[With one stop at Sears to buy two of these:

Angel pig

Hehehe, okay, here’s the deal.  Hubby and I have a tradition of wandering a local mall on Christmas Eve afternoon.  We’re both always done shopping by then and just like to wander – people-watching.  Figuring the ones who’re like us, just hanging out with nowhere to be, nuthin’ more to do from the ones who are just Starting their shopping.

And if we see something that trips our trigger and the lines aren’t too long, we’ll get it (we both got some super deals on clothes this year).

So we’re in a Sears on the opposite side of the mall from where we parked (we had gone in to look at a garage door opener for the 2nd garage door – we figured we’d spend a bit of Hubby’s recent overtime on getting the matching door opener for the second door if we came across a screaming deal on one.  We didn’t.  What we wanted was on sale, but not enough for us to buy it and cut our night short so I could stand over it at the curb while Hubby got the truck from the other end of the mall).

We Did, However, find the Pig.  🙂  You see, it spoke to both of us, on many levels:

– Hubby is from Cincinnati, please see The Big Pig Gig (flying pigs)
– We found them at christmastime and they’re angel pigs
– They’re pink and therefore a little Out of the Christmas thing, just a little Crazy
– While neither of us like the stupid pink ribbon, it’s pink and well, we all know what I’m doing this year and some of next, so…

For any of you reading who are offline friends, please be forewarned that as of no longer than a week from now, when you come to our house, be prepared to see two (they have to keep each other company, you know, because just one would be lonely all by itself) pink, lighted, angel pigs in my front yard – year round!

Because just like this blog is entirely my world to command, Some parts of the Real World are also mine to design!

So I was going to leave early this morning to go to that Sears (out of my way by quite a bit) to pick up the pigs on my way to work, but basically this morning when I got up, I just didn’t fucking want to schlep it And there was a freeway closure between me and work, so I said screw it – I’ll take my chances and go on my lunch hour.

But, lots of folks are Not going to work at all this week, so when I got close to work and my nav program said I’d get to work at 8:57, I said to myself: hell, if there’s nobody there this early, I’ll run in to see if I can get the pigs here (and who the fuck cares if 8:57 turns into 9:10ish), and if the parking lot is packed, it’s back to Plan B – taking my chances at lunchtime.

Yep, got to work at 9:10ish, with two pink lighted angel pigs in my trunk.  :)]

Work
Lunch
Work
5:30pm-6:30pm Drive from Work to Home

Thursday:

8:25am-9:05am Drive from Home to Work
Work
Lunch

scarantinos pas-thumb

[Right before lunch, I had this craving for simple, basic spaghetti with meat sauce – it was delicious!]

Work

[I forgot to put a watch on this morning and it took me until 3:30 pm to realize it.]

5:30pm-7:45pm Drive from Work to Home

[Three stops on the way:

– get gas
– stop at market (Hubby out of OJ again and could be working until late into the night again – yes, I can be a good wife)
– pick up more meds]

Didn’t get to sleep until 10:30 😦

[Get home, call Mom before 8 ‘cuz she’s busy with something then, eat, make sure Hubby eats, get out of work clothes, try to calm down from a long busy day, take meds, lay down & read until Benadryl makes eyes close]

Friday:

Up at 4:30am for no reason – except maybe I was hot…hm… – and never got back to sleep.  😦

[Confession: my home office has become an absolute disaster the last 5 months or so.  I know, no surprise.  But now it’s making me crazy (which actually kind of means I must be feeling better and having some more energy to do something about it, But relax, it may not last long, and don’t act like I have to keep feeling this way, I’m not a trained puppy to be happy on cue).  Spent some time this morning cleaning up and partly clearing some decks.  I got into it – it felt good, hence being late to leave the house and late for work.  That’s some of that All Alone with Nobody To Answer To (not even Hubby, though the goddess knows I love the man) Time I need these days – just of me, by me and for me.  Please see “This Must Be The Worse Before The Better.”]

Oh, and this morning I Did remember to put a watch on before I left the house.  A watch that fit a couple of days ago, but was uncomfortably snug now (too snug to wear in fact – I don’t do clothes, etc. that bind, period) – which means after six months of this, I finally may actually have lymphedema all the way down my arm – fun!]

8:25am-9:15am Drive from Work to Home

[With 1 stop for weekly Starbucks treat.

So, for months I’ve been having a problem with my Starbucks app where it won’t reload one of my cards – it keeps saying something like “We’re having trouble reloading your card.  Please check your balance again in a few minutes.”  Now there’s nothing in there to indicate a problem with the debit card it’s attached to, like it’s oh, say, Expired or something?  For some unknown reason this morning it occurred to me that an expired card might be the issue.  Lo and behold, I changed the expiration date, tried again and it Worked!  Seriously, I realize it was something I needed to change, but the error message they decided on kept indicating to me that either the app itself was broken, or the problem was with their backend – there was nothing in it (at least the way I read it) to indicate it was something I needed to attend to. <facepalm>]

Work
Lunch
Work
5:30pm-6:20pm Drive from Work to Home

Additional Tasks Accomplished This Week:

– blogged
– put gas in the car
– picked up two pink lighted angel pigs for the front yard
– paid some bills
– ordered some sale clothes online from Soma.com
– got some more meds (the last time they’re “free” since next Tuesday begins a new deductible/max out-of-pocket period and I get to go back to paying for medical stuff again)

Copyright Ridingthebcrollercoaster.com 2012 All Rights Reserved.

What Looked Like “Better” Turned Out to be PMS and a Full Moon


full_moon_wallpaper_3-t2

In the days following this blog post, I started to feel better – almost as if acknowledging the Bad allowed me to release it and move on.

Or so I thought.

It was a weird few days –

It was a short work week, with Monday and Tuesday off to celebrate Christmas (and that previous weekend effectively being 4 days long – nice).

The full moon was Friday night (which always affects me, amps me up just a bit with that increased pull on the liquid in my body).

Then Saturday, I had already planned to go see my Dad’s house – for the last time it would look anything like it did when I lived there in my teens.  Dad is moving from the apartment he’s lived in for 35 years.  The apartment I lived in several different times during my teens when I was bouncing between parents, trying to find my way.  Dad’s apartment building was sold and he’s being thrown out.  We figured this would be the best time for me to go say my goodbyes to the house before it didn’t look like Dad’s anymore (we were able to wait until I was out of radiation for a bit).  It also turns out to be almost a year to the day that we lost Grandma (Dad’s mother) (see “I Missed You Last Night Grandma – Single Malt Scotch and Election Returns“).

Add to that, we have Grandma’s unveiling coming up in about a month.  Just thinking about her and saying goodbye to Dad’s place reminded me that I had to do the same to Grandma’s house already last year in May (the Only house she and Grandpa had had during my entire life and so where our whole relationship took place), a mere two months before being diagnosed with breast cancer.

It was an emotionally-charged day, to say the least.

I had also not seen Mom since my last week of radiation, and had managed to procure and wrap gifts for Mom and Dad, so, as long as I was heading out to the Westside, I might as well deliver the last of the gifts.

Had lunch @ Mom’s – gave her her Holiday Gift.

Went over to Dad’s place – took pictures.

Went over to Dad’s new place – it’s really beautiful actually and I think he’ll be really happy there.

Headed home by way of a couple of knitting shops – acquired what I was looking for and fell in love with a new yarn (look for upcoming knitting posts – yep, I’m a multi-talented, or just maybe undecided, blogger).

Got home just about when Hubby did (he’d gone out doing his own errands) – we shared our various purchases and decided to head back out together to make an adjustment to something.

Had dinner and went to sleep.

Woke up Sunday morning, coffee in bed, hanging out – waking up, had No motivation.

The energy of the last few days was gone.  Did my morning cleaning up and realized the hormones had crested.  Hm, didn’t even pay attention to that one coming.  But all the energy of the last few days was gone.

Turns out those few days of energy were just PMS and a full moon (plus emotionality about Dad’s move).  Now we’re back to desperately seeking naps.

I am seeing small improvements I think I can rely on – I’m feeling like doing more at home, and I’m more okay with doing an errand on the way home from time to time now.  I think the last time I cried from sheer exhaustion was actually my last week of radiation therapy – a whole 3 weeks ago!

I figure at this rate, I’ll start to really reliably feel like myself about the time my Reconstructive Surgeon runs me over again.  Let me explain – she is beautiful, sexy, extremely talented, experienced, has a great eye and great hands, is amazingly good at what she does . . . and that bitch is a Mack Truck in surgery!

She’s also my way of making lemonade (with vodka, thank you very much!) out of this bushel of lemons raining down on my head.

And as Scarlett said “Tomorrow Is Another Day.”

Writing Challenge: Starting Over – Up at Midnight

Reposted January 14, 2013 re Writing Challenge: Starting Over.

Midnight-clock

There’s one day of the year when being up at midnight is a “thing” – New Year’s Eve.  Here in the US that was last night.

I’m not a big New Year’s girl.  Never really have been.

Yesterday I had a half day of work (they shut down extra early and sent us all home) and I came home to rest (see “What Looked Like ‘Better’ Turned Out to be PMS and a Full Moon“), which ended up being a late nap (about 4pm-6pm).  I knew that would screw with my night’s sleep, but as quickly as I fell asleep after lying down, I apparently needed it.  And I was off work today, so who cared if I was up half the night.

And I was.  And then some.

After waking up and having separate dinner together with Hubby (we both kind of fended for ourselves according to personal taste at the moment but prepared and ate together – you can do that when there are no kids to feed), we both settled in to rest – me still from the radiation fatigue and him from some crazy long days at work last week and a relatively active weekend.

We were having nice quiet time separately in the house together and along about 11ish I checked on him – sound asleep in his room.

I went back to bed and finished the book I was reading.

The Winter Palace

The time was about 11:40pm.

I picked up a new book (which I have decided is my first book of 2013 . . . because I can) and started to read it.

Beautiful Disaster

It grabbed me right away, so I forgot about the time.

Then I heard noise from outside.  It only took a nanosecond to realize what the noise signified.

I looked up from my book.

There I was, alone in bed, Hubby safely and peacefully sleeping in his room, a book in my hand, still hearing the year turn.

I took a moment to just be.

In a way, though it was near 15 hours ago, I feel like I’m still in that moment.

I could hear my neighbors fresh starts being shouted to the Universe, and thankfully I was not required to participate.

I felt something in that moment that is lurking still somewhere in my consciousness.

I don’t know what to call it.

I do not have the sense of transition that often comes with this night/day.  I do not have the relief of leaving the year in the past or the societally-imposed hope for a better year upcoming – behind me are two surgeries and destruction (yes, it’s actually what the real goal of radiation treatment is, even if saying it that way makes some people uncomfortable) of my cells – ahead of me are more surgeries and chemical castration in the form of anti-hormonal medications leading to artificial, forced menopause.

I’m very glad that when I go to sleep tonight, this year’s official “Holiday Season” will be over.  A few more days of being wished “Happy New Year” and facing the expectation that I display hope and joy in response to same, and then maybe I can breathe easier.

Being where I am in my cancer treatment, I have no realistic expectation that most of 2013 is going to be much better, easier or more fun than most of 2012 – that’s my reality.

I believe lots of people Do have that expected hopefulness and transition happening for them, and if you are one of them, I am truly glad for you – I just ask that you please not expect me to feel and display the same this year.

And before you try to buck me up, I’m okay with where I am just now.  I’m trying to just sit with it until it shifts.  And it will, in it’s own time.

Check with me a year from now, I may feel differently.

I went back to reading my book for a few more hours; I couldn’t put it down.

I finally took a 2nd Benadryl, which forced my eyes to close.

It was 4:00 am.

Out With The Old (2012) – In With The New (2013)

I’m not a big fan of the whole new year’s celebration thing – never have been.

Particularly this year, the arbitrary demarcation doesn’t have much meaning for me, since my “first year” is running from 7/5/2012 to 7/4/2013 – almost directly opposite to the calendar year.

Nevertheless, I found the below on FB and it spoke to me, so I’m sharing it . . .

May your year

My wish for all of us . . .

This Must Be The Worse Before The Better

thumbs-down

December 11, 2012: Breast Cancer Support Group Holiday Potluck Party – otherwise known as the once-a-year gathering where those who no longer need the group on an ongoing basis bring something to eat and join the rest of us for a quick munch & gab & catch-up.

This event lands in my last week of Radiation Therapy.  To say I’m struggling is an understatement of epic proportions.

When I’m asked how I’m doing, I can barely (and sometimes not quite) keep from losing it, both with people I know from group, and those I don’t who are coming for their once-a-year appearance.

Maria is one of those people I meet who doesn’t come regularly, but comes to the party, and to whom I confess how hard things are for me just then.  It’s been years since she was in active treatment, yet she remembers seemingly like it was yesterday – I think we all do/will.

She tells me when radiation ends it gets worse, then it gets better.

I was told that the radiation is still active in my body for about 2 weeks after the last treatment.  I assumed when Maria said there’s a further dip and then things start to look up (I’m paraphrasing), that the worse would be about two weeks long and then end.

My last treatment was Friday, December 14th – 12 days ago.  I don’t feel like better is going to show up in two days.  I think I made an assumption and just realized it’s probably not a valid one.

Last weekend, Hubby had to work all weekend moving his company.  My office was closed Monday/Tuesday, as was his (providing the moving was completed enough).  When he told me he was working Saturday and Sunday (and that they would be long days), I was thrilled.

I don’t get really any meaningful time alone in my house these (general) days – with the way our schedules interact.  Being an only child (and Hubby a first-born), we both need alone time – maybe more than folks with more siblings.

Now that the absolutely overwhelming schedule of Radiation Therapy has backed off quite a bit, lots of things are flooding in, the chatter seems to have intensified:

Work: revise this, draft this, file this, fax this, answer this phone, schedule this meeting, cover for this person on vacation, etc.

Personal: check in with Mom, check in with Dad, listen to Hubby, (and with Christmas yesterday: buy this, wrap this, send this – do it all On Time), etc.

Household: dishes, laundry, pay this, stop for this, buy this online, descale the coffeemaker, clean out the fridge, manage the grocery list, etc.

And of course, everybody’s happy right now – taking vacations, giving and getting just the right gifts, opening their hearts to family and friends – and looking forward to the “fresh start” the New Year provides.

I’m not happy right now and the new year is Not a fresh start for me (as I’m only mid-way through my active treatment)  – I’m still fucking tired, on So Many Levels – physically, emotionally, FYI in case you were wondering my last pain-free day was August 12, 2012 – the day before my first surgery.  So I either feel guilty about not sharing everyone else’s joy for/with them, or am further exhausted by faking it for/with them.

I was thrilled with Hubby having to work because right now I just want to be alone.  I feel like the last six months have been a blur of overwhelming input and I just need quiet.  To get that quiet, I need to be alone and let the rest of the world’s demands go away.  I had two days of that.  I need more.

I imagine this crawling into a hole period will have some people upset – I’m going to have to try to not care.  I need to walk my talk of being selfish.

I need that quiet to process – to transform another part of the journey toward “after the first year.”

I imagine some people in my life are going to notice this difference and not like it.  Because what they think about what I’m doing is not actually about me, I’m going to have to try to not care.

I don’t know what that means for this blog in the near future, I actually don’t know what that means for a lot of aspects of my life in any (insert short-, mid-, long-term word here) future.

I guess I’ll be sitting with quiet as much as I can create it while waiting for…

thumbs_up_bciy

Thoughts: Week of December 17-19, 2012 (No Thurs/Fri)

Monday:

8:15am-9:30am Drive from Home to Work

[Extra late, thanks to the rain, which now means a shortie lunch to stay on track timewise.]

Work
Lunch
Work

Fatigue:

[It showed up at about 1:45 today.  Ah well, I knew it wasn’t gone.  I was hoping some small miracle would happen.  Well, I guess it kinda did – I didn’t really feel the fatigue until afternoon.]

Acupuncture
7:15pm-7:50pm Drive from Acupuncture to Home

Tuesday:

[General post-radiation weirdness item: today is the second day in a row I left the house wearing a necklace.  I couldn’t do that for the past 7 weeks.  Well, I could have, but since I couldn’t wear any neck jewelry during the treatment, I’d have had to take it off then put it back on after.  Instead, I took necklaces in my bag and put them on after treatment (if I remembered) which sometimes I did and sometimes I didn’t.  Now I can get back to doing this in it’s proper place in my day – at home, when I’m getting dressed in the morning.]

8:00am-9:00am Drive from Home to Work
Work

Fatigue:

[Yeah, today it arrived at about 11:30am.  I still had a few hours this morning where I could forget about it – but fewer than yesterday.  Good thing I have tomorrow off!]

Lunch
Work
5:30-6:30 Drive from Work to Home

Wednesday:

Physical Therapy
Whole Foods
Egg Plantation
Nap
Dishes
Laundry
Reorganize a Freezer
Make Dinner

Additional Tasks Accomplished This Week:

– blogged
– put gas in the car
– made Saturday nail appointment
– moved RSurg appt (to not conflict with follow-up ROnc appt)

Copyright Ridingthebcrollercoaster.com 2012 All Rights Reserved.

Song Lyrics That Speak to Me – Fuckin’ Perfect by Pink

Fuckin’ Perfect by Pink

Made a wrong turn once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that’s alright
Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss ‘No way, it’s all good’
It didn’t slow me down.
Mistaken, always second guessing
Underestimated, look I’m still around

Pretty, pretty please, don’t you ever, ever feel
Like you’re less than fucking perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you’re nothing, you’re fucking perfect to me

You’re so mean when you talk
About yourself. You were wrong.
Change the voices in your head
Make them like you instead.

So complicated,
Look happy, You’ll make it!
Filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game
It’s enough, I’ve done all I could think of
Chased down all my demons
I’ve seen you do the same
(Ohh ohhhhhhh)

Pretty, pretty please, don’t you ever, ever feel
Like you’re less than fucking perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you’re nothing, you’re fucking perfect to me

The whole world’s scared, so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line and we try try try but we try too hard
And it’s a waste of my time.
Done looking for the critics, cause they’re everywhere
They don’t like my jeans, they don’t get my hair
Exchange ourselves and we do it all the time
Why do we do that, why do I do that (why do I do that)?

(Yeah!)
I’m Pretty, pretty, pretty

Pretty, pretty please, don’t you ever, ever feel
Like you’re less than fucking perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you’re nothing, you’re fucking perfect to me
(You’re perfect, you’re perfect)
Pretty, pretty please, don’t you ever, ever feel
Like you’re less than fucking perfect.
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you’re nothing, you are perfect to me.

This one is for Hubby, or, well, from Hubby to me actually.

A few weeks ago, we were going to meet after work on a Friday at our local mall to go shopping together on my way home from work (because it wasn’t going to happen on the weekend – too damn tired – and meeting because it also wasn’t going to happen if I went home we would then go together  – again, too damn tired, once I was home I was home) and when I was leaving work he was pestering me to download a song he had bought to listen to on the way home.  Nope, couldn’t deal with it.  Figured I’d get to it later.  This had to be at a time when I was struggling with some of the appearance-related side effects of one or another of the cancer treatments/medications I’m dealing with.

So we met at the mall, Hubby was disappointed that I hadn’t done the music thing he wanted to, we did our shopping, and while heading to our cars took my phone and cued up the song.  I was getting frustrated; I did Not want to deal with this right now, ok?  So, he got it cued up, I put it on repeat on my way home from the mall, listened to the lyrics and cried all the way.

When I got home and saw Hubby, I asked him (in a slightly challenging voice, and of course knowing the answer, but needing to hear it out loud: “Are you trying to tell me something?”  Hubby: “Yes, yes I am.”).

Well, Hubby’s not perfect (and neither am I by a long shot sometimes, so that’s okay), but he can be pretty amazing – like that night.  He knew I needed a pick-me-up.  And it’s one I go back to over and over again when I’m having a hard time (which, in primary cancer treatment could be any old day, for no reason someone outside me can necessarily see): I can feel Hubby’s love anytime I want, without him even knowing it – by listening to the song he downloaded for us, consciously and deliberately to send me a message.

Copyright Ridingthebcrollercoaster.com 2012 All Rights Reserved.

Song Lyrics That Speak to Me – Shiver by Jamie O’Neal

Shiver – by Jamie O’Neal

Don’t know how you do it,
Like there’s nothing to it.
You just look my way.
You come a little closer,
I lose my composure.
Don’t know what to say.

I’m overwhelmed,
You smile I melt.
And somewhere inside,
Oh baby I…

Shiver, tremble, I never,
No I never once,
Felt so much.
It shakes me,
How you take me…
Deeper than I’ve ever been,
It’s to the core,
Under my skin,
I shiver…

I love the way your whisper,
Slowly, softly lingers…
In my ears.
You move a little lower,
The world starts spinning slower,
Then I disappear.

Your lips so close,
We kiss almost,
Just barely touch,
But that’s enought to make me…

Shiver, tremble, I never,
No I never once,
Felt so much.
It shakes me,
How you take me…
Deeper than I’ve ever been,
It’s to the core,
Under my skin,
I shiver…

Oh, Shakes me,
How you take me.
Deeper than I’ve ever been,
It’s to the core,
Under my skin,
I shiver, tremble.
I never, no I never once,
Felt so much it shakes me…
How you take me.
Deeper than I’ve ever been,
It’s to the core,
Under my skin, I shiver…

Ooh, shiver.

PaulSir, if you ever make it to this page, this one’s for you, but you already knew that.

[Posted Thursday November 8, 2012]